#when the last time they talked mike seemed like he was scared of losing him

[chirpsythismorning]

Will Byers Analysis - Between S3 & 4

Something I always think about, is how Will probably didn't even know Mike and El were back together at the end of season 3.

When they had last spoke, part of Will probably thought Mike was talking about something else, which is understandable bc both him and Mike were speaking in code, whether they realized it or not (I didn’t say it/You didn’t have to).

At the very least, Will thought things could go back to how they used to between them; friends (best friends).

When the Byers arrived to Cali, I imagine within the first day, or within the first few days after they settled, it was most likely Jonathan who made the move to phone the Wheelers to talk to Nancy.

Then maybe Will decided he would call Mike once the phone was free or even asked Jonathan to have Nancy just hand the phone to Mike so they could catch up too.

But once Mike got on the phone, something was off. He sounded kind of distant and awkward and it left Will feeling confused.

Maybe Will tried to chock it up as them just needing to get used to living far away from each other, since this distance thing was indeed new for them. They'd been friends for the last decade and hadn't experienced being apart for longer than a week (the week of his disappearance). So, it was bound to be a little weird, for a little while. Right?

But honestly, just thinking about their fight in s3 and the events leading up to it, I wouldn't blame Will for being slightly worried.

Before the rain fight, Will was putting almost all of the time and effort into their relationship. He was fighting for it and Mike was leaving him behind. And that really hurt Will.

And that's what's honestly so incredible about Will's arc in s4, because he's not putting himself through that again.

Yes, he's growing up and he's matured, but he's also come to accept that, based on Mike's actions as of recent (despite what he might have sensed from Mike over the years), those romantic feelings he has for him will NEVER be reciprocated. If he's lucky, Mike will still want to be his friend, and he would be relieved to stay in his life in that way if it's something Mike still wants.

(Which also makes the GA's argument about how they think Will's arc in s5 is going to be about him accepting that Mike will never love him back, fall flat??? Because, Will's already realized that, sis. S4 ending the way it did was in part to make as clear as possible to Will (the unreliable narrator) that Mike cannot love him that way... And so why the hell would s5 confirm that for a second (3) time now? Where is the shock? Where is the value? What is satisfying about that? And why do that, while also holding off on Mike finding out about Will's feelings until the very end? Like... just let that simmer for a second and think about what that actually means in terms of the story going in a satisfying direction that also manages to surprise you... there is literally nothing satisfying about proving Will 'I'm not gonna fall in love' Byers, right...)

So, after about a week since they last spoke on the phone since arriving, a bunch of letters come in the mail: one for Jonathan, four for El, and three for Will (you can probably guess who from the party didn't send a letter to Will...).

And it's as if Will's worst fears are being (re)realized.

In his casual letter exchanges between the party, he talks about DnD and a new art class he's taking with Dustin, joining the basketball team with Lucas and how everything she'd told him about California was right with Max. Super casual catching up with some of his best friends. And yet still, nothing from Mike, arguably his best friend.

And so Will is understandably devastated.

He doesn't understand. Or maybe he does, he just didn't want to believe it.

And so, how Will chose to go about his contact with Mike over the next 'year' makes sense to me (and I support him fully tbh).

I think Will's arc in s4 is beautiful because he has some of the best development of anyone on the entire show. He's not the gay kid being used as a plot device for a heterosexual couple (stay tuned for s5). If anything, we're seeing this character who tried his best to mend his friendship with his best friend (also secret first love) after Mike presumably rejected him (ITS NOT MY FAULT YOU DON'T LIKE GIRLS!), and so, Will is not going to put himself through that again.

He's not going to let himself have hope that there could ever be something more between them, even if he thought so many times before there were moments or signs that Mike could feel the same (BC MIKE DID!!). He has already accepted it's not possible.

He's not going to 'stand in the way' anymore. If Mike wants to be with El, he's going to support them, even if it hurts him and his own feelings.

It's tragic, but it feels so in character for Will and his qualities as a person.

I know a lot of bylers argue that both Mike and Will were in the wrong when it came to them both not staying in touch, and I do agree, completely actually. Especially knowing Mike tried to call Will. HE TRIED. So it's not like he didn't. The miscommunication trope is doing it's magic. We just have to accept that.

And so, fittingly, when confronted, Mike doesn't tell Will he called (a lot). He lets Will think that he barely called and deflects and pushes it back on Will. But then almost instantly, he regrets it. Because it's in this moment he's only now realizing that Will did want to talk and missed him and is quite literally confused why they're not best friends any more. And suddenly it's all clicking. He knows deep down Will has every reason to be insecure, to not reach out to Mike after what happened last summer. It's just that he also thought Will had every right to move on because why wouldn't he, what's so great about Mike? Will could have anyone? Mike was so distracted by his own insecurities that Will had inevitably moved on, while also trying to hide his feelings, that he didn't realize Will actually did miss him. They've both got it all wrong.

As of now, we don’t know for sure if Will called at all, and so me assuming he called first, is just that, an assumption. But I’m giving Will the benefit of the doubt here. (It's also likely the Byers would have called the Wheeler's first because they know their number by heart most likely, while the Wheelers would've had to wait to get their new number).

Based on the story presented though (Will's unreliable narrator POV), he had a lot more reason to doubt Mike wanted anything to do with him. Will literally spent all of s3 fighting for their friendship, even if it meant coming off as slightly clingy and annoying and ‘childish’. And look how that turned out?

What else was Will to do in this situation? Just repeat all of his behavior in s4?

Was he just supposed to call Mike first, write him letters first, even though Mike was showing repeat signs of wanting to distance himself from him again?

And so, Will waits. He waits for Mike to make the next move, just in case his insecurities are right and that Mike doesn't want them to be best friends like they used to be.

One evening, about a month since the move, the phone rings and Will answers it. It's Mike.

Will is obviously surprised and thrilled. They talk for a bit, and yeah it's awkward. But still, it gives Will hope.

Now, it's still not enough to give Will the confidence to reach out first, fearing he'll come off too strong and scare Mike away again, and so he continues to give Mike space. But that doesn't stop this gesture from giving Will the inspiration to try one more thing, one last ditch effort to save their friendship; he's going to make Mike a painting.

So, all while watching El receive a new letter in the mail every few weeks or so, with him and Mike talking once (or if he's lucky maybe twice) a month over the phone, Will spends his time working on the painting, knowing that Mike used to appreciate his drawings when their friendship was at its strongest. And so, maybe this will be the thing that finally fixes things for them once and for all?

All too soon, it's Spring break and they're at the airport waiting for Mike to land.

In the months leading up to their reunion, Will made sure no one saw the painting he was working on, least of all El. Not even because he was scared she might figure out his feelings, but because he wanted it to be a surprise. We also know Will presumably had no problem with the others seeing the painting eventually because he literally brought it to the airport for Mike to open in front of all of them? And so... to him this was clearly an attempt at platonic reconciliation, even despite Will having romantic feelings for Mike. What he wanted was their friendship back.

But suddenly, Mike is standing before him and Will is so excited he can't hold back anymore. I mean, he's been holding back for MONTHS and he just wants to hug his best friend.

But then Mike is being awkward again, almost like he doesn't want to even touch Will at all, contrasting greatly from the last time they hugged during their goodbye only just a year ago (6 months they're so dramatic, i swear).

All this does is prove to Will that, despite them apparently ending on good terms, it seems Mike is just repeating last summer all over again.

Understandably, Will jumps to this conclusion fairly quickly, as his insecurities are being proven right in real time. Mike doesn't want the friendship they used to have. He doesn't want to hug, doesn't want to write to him, barely even called despite writing El a book worth of letters. He wants to talk to and focus on his girlfriend and Will is just an afterthought now.

There's no way he's gonna want this? A painting? Not a chance in hell.

So when Mike points to it and asks him about it nervously, Will panics and brushes it off.

How could he be so naive. Mike is making it SUPER clear he doesn't care about him, not like he used to. And still he's holding onto some misguided hope that maybe there's still a chance for them to be best friends.

How could he be so stupid.

[willbyersabyss]

Firm believer that Mike was trying to ask Will for different advice in s4 but Will didn’t understand. The last time Mike talked to Will about relationships was in s3 so what if he was expecting Will to react the same way? What if he wanted Will to encourage a breakup? Mike kept asking for the same advice because Will wasn’t giving Mike what he wanted to hear.

This is the first time he turns to Will for advice. “Whatever it is you didn’t say, you can say it to her then.” He smiles but then he drops it once Will looks away. Mike looks conflicted as if that’s not the response he was expecting.

Then when Will says something that resonated with Mike more, they were interrupted before we could see his response. “Sometimes it’s scary to open up like that. What if they don’t like the truth?” So Will is getting closer to the point Mike is trying to make but the truth is still being hidden from us here.

Mike tries one final time in the van and it seems like Will gets it at first, that Mike is scared of losing El. It goes downhill once Will starts talking about how much El needs Mike. He looks conflicted again. But this scene ends more hopeful! Mike is smiling and feels reassured! Maybe Will understood after all?

And finally, Mike realizes that Will didn’t understand what he was hinting at. Will wasn’t reassuring Mike that El would still be friends with him if they weren’t together. He meant it in a romantic context. Mike has lost all hope.

[darkcrowprincess]

Mike has a breakdown/ Mike goes off:

The last time Mike had a breakdown. He was 12, and the world was ending. The second time was no different. But everytime it happens, Mike is still surprised when the anger/sadness/powerlessness explodes out of him. It all comes spilling out in the worse way, like a shaken can of coke a cola exploding when you flip open the top. Lets set the scene. A empty office in the radio tower station, as Lucas and Mike wait for Will and Dustin. Mike and Lucas being the only two in the room. Mike has been on edge all day. Lucas is getting a little tired of it honestly. He knows you shouldn't go poking the angry bear known as Mike. But well, they have been avioding the obvious long enough.

"Its almost like you're afraid or something," Lucas says nonchalantly. Mostly to himself. But really to get a reaction out of the skinny, tall, brooding idiot he calls a best friend.

"What?" Mike asks confused. He turns to Lucas. Done with his staring match with the wall. Brings the seat he was leaning on it's back legs fully onto all fours again.

"You heard me, your scared of being with Will. Your terrified to love him. Or terrified to at least tell him." Lucas states matter of fact. No bullshit in his face or in his tone.

Seeing that he's serious, Micheal Wheeler's face goes through so many emotions in the span of seconds. Confused, realization, fear, acceptance, and then finally anger. Actually no anger isn't the right word.

Mike was in two words; pissed off.

"Fuck you. You know what Lucas fuck you.

Lucas doesn't get mad, "Well are you?"

"Im not talking about this!" Mike angrily whispers. Its the whispering that gets you. You can tell thats Mike's pissed because he hadn't started yelling yet. He's trying to hold it in.

"But are you? Are you scared? It will make you feel better if you talk about it Mike," Lucas declares with and honest, yet haunted look in his face. Unspoken between is whats obviously haunting Lucas.

Mike wants to cross that line and bring Max up to piss Lucas off. Get him to hate him and back off with this line of questioning.

But Mike thinks, he doesn't want to. Partly because he's just so sick of hurting his friends. But mostly because Mike is just tired. Tired of keeping it all in. So he pops open the soda.

Mike's pale face becomes red quickly in anger, "Of course I'm fucking scared! Im scared of losing him again!!

Mike yells this out into the room. Its loud and people could probably hear him.

Lucas though, oddly is in favor of the anger. For Mike to be honest, even if he is angry. Lucas feels like his best friend needs it. Seemingly wiser than his age suggests, "Mike your not going to lose him. You haven't lost Will. Will is still here."

"Yeah but for how long Lucas! How long huh? I couldn't handle losing him for a week when I was 12! 12 Lucas! He got lost from my house that day! My house! He was suppose to be safe! And he wasn't! I couldn't do anything! I was helpless! Then the next year with losing El, he was being possessed and hurt by that thing! He was hurt and everyone around us was dying! The best thing I could come up with was to burn up a hole in the ground! That was the best I could come up with to help him! I'm always useless! Every year its some new fucking disaster nightmare that could kill us all, but losing him in this mess is what terrifies me most. And your asking me to listen to my heart and get into a relationship with him. Tell him I love him and act like everything will turn out hunky dory, we'll be skipping off into the sunset, Will and I?! Are you out of your fucking mind Lucas!"

Mike is full on yelling now, and he seems to just be getting started.

Mike throws his hands in the air and starts pacing. Back in fourth like he needs to move.

"The whole town is this close to going crazy psycho mob on us, the upside down is leaking into our world. Plus you know homophobia is still a fucking thing in the 80s. And the cherry on top of all the piles of shit we are dealing with, Vecna wants Will.

Mike starts laughing in a cruel hysterical vocie, pulling his hair tight in his fists, still pacing. "Which is just another can of worms. That creep does not only want to kill my family personally, but he's making the moves on Will. Like no the universe can not let William Byers have a fucking break in this life! Lets add a homicidal pervert to the equation!"

"Mike calm done it will be ok." Lucas says, getting up and going to Mike.

That is the wrong thing to say.

"DONT TELL ME TO CALM DOWN LUCAS SINCLAIR! NONE OF THIS WILL BE FUCKING OK!!" Mike grabs something on the desk in anger. A paperweight. Turning to the window(behind him, no where near Lucas' vicinity) Mike throws the paperweight with all his strength towards the office window and breaks the glass. It makes hauntingly loud shattering noise. It echos loud in the room, and the glass from the impact falls out from the hole made with the round paper weight. Then the room is filled with silence and Mikes harsh breathing. His shoulder moves with his angry breathing, but doesn't turn around.

"Whats going on?" Says a soft familiar voice.

Both boys turn around, there standing in the open doorway is Will.

Mike turns back around, not wanting to make eye contact with Will. Not wanting anyone (especially Will) to see him like this. Mike just keeps staring out the broken window. In the reflection of the broken glass, if you look, you can see Mike Wheeler start to cry. Silent tears appear in his eyes.

Lucas tries to cover for him, " Nothing everything is-."

"Please don't say everything is fine Lucas. Mike shouldn't be yelling at you like that. Especially with everything going on." Says Will. But he isn't yelling. He says this with a tired but gentle look on his face. A look that he's only sending Mike's way.

Lucas is tired too. "I'm going to give you guys some space to talk."

Will nods as he fully walks into the room, heading towards Mike. Mike still hasn't turned around.

"Thanks Lucas, please shut the door too."

Lucas doesn't say anything. No point really, Mike and Will are in their own world. But he does as Will asked.

As he closes the door, he catches Will hugging Mike from behind. Mike leans into the touch as much as he can. Turns around (tears staining his face) and hugs Will fully.

*******

(God this took forever to write!!! But I'm so glad I finished. Would love to hera your opinions Byler shippers!)

[artiststarme]

Where's The "Talk"?

Based on a prompt from @samcoxramblings. I hope this meets your expectations! Please leave your thoughts in the comments and if you have any more angsty prompts, send them my way!

~*~*~*~

After coming out to the Party, Eddie and Steve were on their toes for days just waiting for someone to give them the ‘Talk’. They were amped up, prepared to receive loads of various threats ranging in creativity and snipe. But the days came and went and no one mentioned anything. Anytime Eddie would mention expecting a shovel talk to protect their babysitter, the kids awkwardly looked between one another before changing the subject. When Steve mentioned to Robin and Nancy that no one had warned him against hurting Eddie yet, they just rolled their eyes and ignored him. Neither man knew what the Party was waiting for. 

After a week, Eddie loses his patience and asks the kids at their Hellfire session. “Okay guys, what gives? Where are the outlandish threats of violence, the creative insults about my character, the whole shabang? I’ve been on the edge of my seat for fucking days.”

“Eddie, what the hell are you talking about?” Dustin asked him, sounding puzzled. 

Eddie snorted a sound of frustration. “The shovel talk! Steve and I told you that we were dating a week ago and no one has said anything! Is this a gay thing? Are you too scared of being homophobic to say anything? I can take it!”

The kids looked uncomfortable but Mike spoke. “Look man, we just don’t want to waste our time. You and Steve aren’t going to last. I mean, look how different you guys are! You’re awesome, you DM for Hellfire, and you’re in a band. What does Steve do? He works at Family Video all day and sure, he looks kinda good without a shirt on, but he has nothing else going for him!”

Lucas and Dustin looked at him in confusion before Dustin cleared his throat. “Eddie, we know you’re not going to hurt each other. You’re both our big brothers and you’re not actually dating. Steve likes girls! I’m sure he’s just looking for a way to let you down easy. I’m sorry, man.”

Meanwhile, Eddie looked at them indifferently. He couldn’t believe that these little assholes would say that to him and at a DnD session no less! He whipped his head to look at the original Hellfire members only to find Gareth, Jeff, and Grant looking shellshocked. 

“Do you boys feel the same way?” He asked them, his eyes flashing dangerously. 

Jeff shook his head slightly, “no way, man. We just don’t know Steve well enough to give him a talk. You know we’ve always supported you, if you want us to threaten him a little, we can.”

“Yeah, we’ll threaten the socks off of him!” Grant nodded. Gareth though just continued glaring at the kids.

Eddie nodded, it seemed there was a division of true friends and posers around the table. If his little sheep didn’t want to believe he and Steve would last, he’d show them. He and Steve were for life. Eddie was like a parasite, a viral STD if you will. Once you got him, you were stuck with him forever.

“Well, thank you for sharing your opinion. Does anyone else feel that way?” He asked them. Did the rest of the Party share the same views? He desperately needed to know. 

Lucas nodded slowly, “well, yeah. Hopper says you guys are only seeing each other because you’re trauma-bonded and Robin said that it doesn’t mean anything anyways.”

Eddie chuckled sardonically. Oh so, the entire Party was against them? Fine, he didn’t need to be a part of the group that tore his life apart anyways. 

“Alright, Hellfire’s disbanded. Get your stuff and get out. Corroded Coffin, we’ll continue the campaign as a three-piece on Thursday before band practice. I’m going to go see Steve, the guy I’m in a relationship with. You know, the one that ‘doesn’t mean anything’ since we’re ‘too different’ and ‘trauma-bonded’ and ‘waiting to get let down easy’? Go fuck yourself and fuck your precious Party too.” And with that, Eddie stormed out. 

He drove straight to Family Video and was ashamed to find that frustrated tears had started leaking from his eyes. He couldn’t believe this. After all they’d gone through together with the Upside Down and psychic killers and murder accusations, being in a relationship with Steve was the tipping point? Absolutely ridiculous. He darted into the video store and didn’t even slow his stride as he threw his arms around Steve where he was talking to a customer. 

“What the- Eddie? Hey, what’s going on? Are you okay?” He asked him before turning back to the customer. “I’m sorry, could you talk to Robin over at the counter please? Have a nice day.”

Steve gently herded him into the employee lounge and pressed his teary face into the crook of his neck. “Eds, hey, what happened?”

“I’m so sorry, Stevie. I never should’ve said anything!”

“About what? What’s going on? Weren’t you supposed to be playing DnD today with the kids today?” Steve asked him. He wiped the tears from underneath Eddie’s eyes and rested a hand on the back of his neck for comfort.

“I asked the kids why we hadn’t gotten a shovel talk from anyone yet before we even started. They said that no one in the Party thinks we’re going to last. Hopper thinks we’re trauma-bonded, Mike doesn’t think we’re fucking compatible, Dustin thinks you’re faking it, and Robin thinks we’re not serious. They’re not interested in ‘wasting their time’ giving us a talk.”

Steve blinked in surprise before his face hardened. “We don’t need their acceptance or their approval. We know they’re wrong and that’s what matters. We don’t even need a talk from them. Fuck ‘em! We can give ourselves a shovel talk if our good-for-nothing-friends can’t do it!”

“Steve-” 

“I’m serious, who gives a shit about their opinions? Who are they to judge? Dustin’s dating a girl over the radio that lives in goddamn Utah or some shit. Lucas can’t judge because Max broke up with him again for like the tenth time this month. Mike’s only girlfriend was a girl he found in the woods that didn’t know any better than to date him. Robin’s never even been in a relationship so she can’t judge us for having one. And Hopper is 100% going to be in the doghouse after I tell Joyce about what he said. Fuck what they have to say.”

“But Stevie, how are we going to give one to ourselves? That doesn’t even make sense,” Eddie told him gently.

“Fine, then we’ll give one to each other. Eddie, if you break my heart, I’m going to give Wayne adoption papers and take your last name whether you want me to or not.”

Eddie sputtered, “what the fuck? What kind of talk is that? You’re supposed to threaten me with physical harm, not whatever mindfuckery that was!”

“Don’t belittle my shovel talk! Like you could do any better,” Steve scoffed at him.

“Oh yeah? Steve, if you break my heart then I’m going to break your kneecaps so you can’t leave until I win you back. And if I break your heart, I’m going to finish what the bats started.”

“Jesus fucking Christ, Eddie! Are you okay? That’s fucking violent!” Steve yelled.

“That’s the point!” Eddie screamed back.

“No it’s not!”

“Yes it is, you’re supposed to threaten to hide the body with a shovel,” Eddie said like it was obvious. 

“Dingus, stop talking to Eddie and get back to work. We have a line,” Robin said exasperatedly, poking her head into the back room. 

“We’re giving each other shovel talks since you losers wouldn’t do it. You know, since this means something. I’ll be out when we’re done with that,” Steve told her bitchily. 

“Fuck off Buckley,” Eddie hissed venomously. Robin looked shocked at his mutiny but backed away regardless. 

Steve stared at the door for a moment but Eddie drew his attention back to himself with a whispered, “if you don’t hurt me, I’ll help you hide a body.”

Steve cackled and murmured back, “you already were accused of murder once, you need to stop being so violent!”

They continue to date until marriage is legalized in the state of Illinois, where they move shortly after they deliver their truly remarkable shovel talks. As payback, they get a marriage certificate at the courthouse and don’t invite anyone from the Party to act as witnesses. Instead, Uncle Wayne, Jeff, Gareth, and Grant surround them and hear the clerk declare them husbands. 

(Hopper and the rest of the Party find out at Christmas that year and everyone loses their shit in synchrony. They all learn a valuable lesson that day that Eddie Munson holds the meanest of grudges.)

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[sky-neverending]

When Will finally came out to the entire party, he did it from the floor of Steve Harringtons living room. He wasn’t planning on doing it at all. Ever. He was terrified. Terrified of losing the people that meant most to him.

But then he walked in on Steve and Eddie stealing a quick kiss in the kitchen, and he froze, and hell, he almost passed out.

Eddie and Steve rushed toward him, pushing aside how terrified they were to help this poor boy who looked like a deer in headlight in front of them. Steve pulled him into his arms, because he knew that face. It was the same one he had made after Eddie had kissed him for the first time. Before he knew who or what the hell he was. So he just hugged Will until his breathing returned and his face was no longer whiter than a bedsheet.

“You’re okay.” Steve whispered, running his fingers down Wills arm to signify he was there, and that he wasn’t going anywhere. “Come on, take a breath.”

After Will pulled away, he gazed up at the two of them. “You guys are dating?” He said in a whisper, like he was scared someone was going to hear him.

Eddie nodded slowly, holding out a hand. Will took it reluctantly and was led toward the kitchen table, sliding into the seat and staring at Eddie and Steve across from him.

The next words to come from his mouth about shattered Steve’s heart. They were small and timid, meek and filled with fear. It seemed to take everything in Will to get them out without collapsing on the spot.

“And it’s… okay?” He started, eyes glued to the floor. “To be gay?” The last word was barely audible. It came out in a strangled whispered, like he was choking on his words as they pushed their way out his mouth.

“Will.” Eddie said, his voice filling the warm with warmth and comfort. “Will, look at me.”

Will did so, his head moving upward first and his eyes following after, slowing dragging from the floor to the table to Eddie and Steve’s faces. They were red, glossy, like he was biting back tears.

“Will.” Eddie repeated, reaching a hand across the table the testing it on Wills wrist, where the fabric of this shirt met the exposed skin. “There’s nothing wrong with it. Nothing at all.” He smiled softly, leaning forward. “And anyone who tell you that? Doesn’t know what the hell they’re talking about. Okay?”

“Okay.” Will said after a beat, and the corner of his mouth quirked up a little bit. He repeated the word, a bit more confidently this time. “Okay.”

Steve looked at him, his expression full of pride. “We can keep this a secret. If you want, I mean.” He offered, and Will shook his head.

“No. No, I want to tell them. I just- I want to be the one to do it. Is that okay?”

“Of course it’s okay, kid.” Eddie said, patting Will on the wrist gently before pulling his hand away and looping it through Steve’s own. “Take your time. No one’s rushing you.”

The three of them stood, heading toward the kitchen door, when Will paused. “Do they know about you?” He asked, and Steve bit his lip.

“No. No, not yet. I’m not sure i’m quite ready to tell them, ya know?” Will nodded.

“I won’t tell anyone.”

Eddie smiled at him, squeezing Steve’s hand one last time before dropping it and walking back out into the rest of the group.

The next few hours went on as normal. The kids argued for about an hour over which movie to watch before Steve stood up plucked the movies out of there hands, holding them behind his back and shuffling them around. He needed up picking Labyrinth, which was Dustins pick (mostly because Eddie said he loved it).

They settled into their normal spots, Eddie, Steve, and Robin on the large couch, Max in her wheelchair with Lucas and El on the floor beside her, Dustin in a large armchair he had claimed all to himself, and Will and Mike leaning against the front of the coffee table, closest to the television.

And then Will just sort of said it. The movie was paused so Steve could get some more popcorn, but the room was still dark, and the words just spilled from Wills mouth. There was no emotions or theatrics or gathering of attention. Everyone was in the middle of conversation and he just spoke up.

After he said it, the room fell silent, and he could feel the heat of every pair of eyes in the room settle on to him. But he didn’t care. Because he had said it, and a sort of weight he didn’t know he was carrying lifted off his shoulders.

Robin was the first to move. She rushed toward him and pulled him into a hug, practically squeezing all the air out of his lungs as she did so. “I’m so proud of you.” She whispered into his ear, so only he could hear it, and then she pulled away with a soft small and a lingering warmth left behind.

Max was the next to make any noise, letting out a small chuckle from where she sat in her wheelchair. “Way to go, William.” She cheered, partially sarcastic, but there was a hint of pride in her tone. Lucas simply patted him on the shoulder and gave him a reassuring grin, and El shot him a thumbs up from the floor.

Dustin stared up at him from his chair, silent for a moment before a grin spread across his face. “So who’s your crush?” He teased. Will went red.

“Shut up, Dusty-Bun.” Eddie called from the couch, chucking a pillow at Dustin, who poorly dodged it and threw two more back in response.

“No throwing pillows in my house!” A voice came from the hall, and Steve walked in with his hands full of popcorn bowls. “What did I miss?”

“Wills gay!” Dustin supplied helpfully, and Steve shrugged.

“Cool. No throwing pillows in my house.” Was a he said, but Will caught the gleam in his eye as he say down, and the large smile spreading over his face.

Mike never spoke. Not until Will sat down, still and awkward on the floor beside him.

��Hey.” Was all he said, pushing his shoulder into Wills softly.

“Hey.” Will responded.

The two smiled at each other before turning back the movie, but Will couldn’t help to notice how Mike seemed just a tad bit closer than he was before.

And as Will fell asleep that night, head on Miles shoulder, he couldn’t help but grin to himself. He had done that. And he hadn’t lost anyone at all.

i sort of hate this but i spent so much time on it that i’m gonna share it anyway. maybe i’ll make it better later. idk.

[random-other-shit]

If you watched Mike turn down Harvey’s job offer in 6x11 and thought “this should have gone differently,” boy do I have the fix-it fic for you.

Make a Catastrophe Seem Romantic

Mike owes it to Harvey to tell him this in person. He knows that. He hates it, but he knows it.

And so, less than a full week after Mike’s triumphant and — as he keeps guiltily remembering — Harvey-orchestrated release from actual federal prison, Mike has dragged his ass across town to disappoint the one person he owes everything. Once again.

Mike wishes he could lose count of how many times he’s done that.

It’s been a long time since Mike felt like he and Harvey were on remotely even footing. Mike’s pretty sure, if Harvey had any sense, he’d have written Mike off somewhere around the first genuine jail time scare.

But that isn’t how Harvey works. And for whatever reason, Harvey picked Mike as his guy.

Mike takes a deep breath. He’s hard pressed to think of many things he’d rather do less, but he knocks on the door anyway, thinking about the first time he showed up here. He hadn’t been as drunk as Harvey believed. He remembers it with the same crystal clarity that he remembers most things — and damn near everything involving Harvey. Harvey had been annoyed. Mike hadn’t even made it inside. Still, it was the first time Mike had ever seen Harvey in anything less formal than a suit. Knowing Harvey the way he does now, Mike knows Harvey hadn’t been that upset with him. He’d opened the door, after all.

In the two seconds Mike has before Harvey opens the door, he wonders if Harvey might be dressed casually this morning.

He’s not, of course. It’s a workday. He opens the door without a jacket on, though. Something about that fact feels like a significant concession. Maybe that’s just because Mike knows about Jessica’s departure.

“Mike, what are you doing here?” Harvey says.

“Can I come in?”

“Of course,” Harvey says. “You want a cup of coffee?”

“Yeah, that’d be good,” Mike says, following Harvey down the hall.

Mike wonders if he’ll ever stop feeling so unsettled about the fact that he can hear how happy Harvey is to see him in his tone. He’s noticed it when they’ve talked on the phone and he hears it in person, too — even if Harvey hides it a little better when they’re face-to-face. He just sounds… relieved, Mike thinks.

Every time Harvey sees him, he’s relieved. Mike’s pretty sure it’s the biggest thing that’s changed since he went to prison. He has no idea what to make of it, or how long it’ll last. He’s more than a little worried this conversation might be the end of it, actually.

Read the rest on ao3

[glisten-inthedark]

I decided to analyze the pizza place scene before the ily scene because I’m avoiding it like the plague but now my brain is buzzing

‘Cause it’s been said before that Mike sounds more like he’s gonna apologize here than confess his love for El and I agree

But damn oh damn is his body language here FASCINATING

For one thing he briefly hesitates before putting his hand in El’s and it’s quite a light grip initially

Then when he brings up their argument—which he calls a “talk” when previously he’d called it a “bad fight it feels like you can’t come back from” to Will, bro—he is soooo halting in his speech. He’s so nervous but it doesn’t feel like an excited nervous or anticipatory or like he’s gearing up to say something big-but-positive—a big positive he knows for a fact El wants to hear from him. He’s even told Will a couple times in different roundabout ways that if he had “said the thing” then maybe she would’ve wanted him to go with her, so he knows it’s something she wants to hear. 100% knows it.

And then we get a close up and I swear, he looks scared. Genuinely scared. There’s no tiny smile or hesitant hope in his eyes or anything like that after he brings up the “talk.” The only time there’s hope or joy in his eyes is when El says she missed him, and he looks really relieved (imo that’s likely because her saying that seems to put validity in Will’s insistence that she does need him). But that relief is gone once he brings up the “talk.”

“Oh he’s just insecure!” “he’s afraid to say it and make losing her hurt more!” bullshit and that’s been broken down and analyzed before already so I’ll just move on lmao

Then when he continues and says “I guess” and “I don’t know” and “I just wanted to say” he stops sustaining/maintaining eye contact and can barely even look at her. if he was about to say ily for the first time, wouldn’t you expect eye contact??? Longer than a few brief glances???? And at least look like he’s gathering his courage and wearing a brave face with a bit of anticipation?? Right before they’re interrupted, the look on his face is so somber. Melancholy. He looks guilty.

And right before he says “I guess,” he goes “I—“ and then his shoulders just slump, almost like he’s letting out a huff of breath or felt a wave of anxiety punch his stomach or is resigning to something, and his head does that side-to-side not-shake thing that to me conveys reluctance or hesitation or doubt, I can’t place it exactly but it reminds me of something Joyce sometimes does when she’s anxious. That whole shot when he says “I guess,” is so telling and so FASCINATING how could anyone look at his body language and face in that shot and think he’s about to tell El in this moment that he loves her??

And even if you watch El’s face without the music—she doesn’t look excited to me. There’s no hope in her eyes or smile starting to grow. If you look right at the end of her last shot before Argyle interupts, she looks concerned or like she’s realizing something, but not something good.

The music here tricks you SO BAD, it sounds anticipatory, hopeful, it sounds like we’re in El’s head and it’s her hope swelling a bit—especially because I checked and right when it swells, it’s the Still Pretty track that plays during their almost kiss in season 1, which also got interrupted. But if you look at Mike??? If you look at El without the music??? If you LISTEN to MIKE???? Boy was about to apologize, not confess.

Oh I absolutely love that scene for exactly the reason you pointed out. He was not about to tell her what he knew she wanted it to hear.

The more we break apart everything, the clearer things become.

[faelorelia]

Deciphering the Will-El-Mike Love Triangle: A Personal Perspective

I stopped liking Mileven as a couple way before I started shipping Byler, and the reason had nothing to do with Will, actually.

As someone who appreciates both El’s and Mike’s characters, I firmly believe they were always meant to be friends. They care deeply about each other, but their relationship has felt forced for a very long time. The main reason I stopped liking them as a couple is that I didn’t like how Mike treated El at the beginning of S3, which led El to “dump his ass.” Subconsciously, Mike believed he knew what was better for her and, without realizing it, hindered her from developing her own personality. Also, he wasn’t always good to her in S1 when he used her to find Will and snapped at her a few times. Don’t get me wrong – Mike is not a bad person, and he did many good things for El, but they simply didn’t seem to work as a couple. All they did when things went well was kiss and make out. They didn’t have any common interests or things to talk about, only the Upside Down-related adventures. This is one of the reasons I find their couple boring: when physical attraction is the only thing keeping you romantically interested in someone, it won’t last.

I watched all four seasons as a GA member, and my opinion is based on what I saw from this show. I didn’t even think about Will when considering El and Mike initially – this is just something I noticed when watching the show. Yes, I suspected Will had feelings for Mike since S3 came out but didn’t think they could possibly be reciprocated at that time. My initial thought was, “Aww, poor Will, I feel bad for him.” This thought only strengthened after watching S4. My love for Will as a character grew, and I felt a protective instinct towards him (much like Joyce, haha), but he is not the reason I think Mileven doesn’t work. Observing El and Mike’s relationship in S4 only made me like them as a couple even less. I don’t think Mike was scared of saying “I love you” just because he felt worthless and was afraid of losing her. I think there’s something deeper than that. Otherwise, why did the season finish with El being annoyed at him after his “brilliant” monologue? And let's not forget the reason why Mike finally said he loved El and who pushed him to do that.

I also believe that both El and Mike are incredible characters and their own heroes, but they just don’t bring out the best in each other. El does need someone to care for her and make her feel loved, but she needs a familial kind of love much more than a romantic one. And she has always needed people who would love her no matter what and wouldn’t make her feel like she can only be loved if she’s a “superhero.” She needs someone who would love her regardless of whether she has her powers or not. And she needs someone with whom she would still be independent and her own person. And I don’t think Mike is right for her in this respect.

Likewise, I don’t think El can give Mike what he needs. He doesn’t just want someone to kiss and make out with; he needs more than that. He needs someone who would share his hobbies and interests; someone who would understand him without saying a word; someone who is simply there for him and is always willing to support him; someone who makes him feel loved no matter what. I don’t think that El and Mike can love each other romantically under any circumstances. I think they started a relationship with their ideal images of each other in mind but later struggled because they felt they both didn’t live up to each other’s perfect images of themselves. And that’s what makes this relationship doomed to fail.

And then, you know what happened? It suddenly dawned on me, shedding light on many things I hadn’t quite understood at the beginning. It was that kind of moment when you think, “Oh, so that’s why! It has always been there but it took me so long to figure it out!”

There is exactly the kind of person in the series that can make Mike feel loved the way he wants to. The character that shares his interests and hobbies and is always there for him. The one that loves Mike unconditionally and is always ready to sacrifice his own feelings just to make his love feel better about himself, feel worthy and needed. This character has been there all along, and this character’s name is – you guessed it right – Will. And I wouldn’t be saying all of this if I believed Mike was totally straight, and could never love Will the way the latter loves him.

From the very first season, the show makes it clear that Mike and Will’s relationship is not the same as the one boys their age usually have (compare it to Lucas and Dustin’s, for example). We are both told and shown that Mike cares about Will much deeper than anyone else in their circle of friends, and he’s the one who was losing his mind, thinking he had lost Will but nevertheless never stopped looking. Mike is someone who’s always been ready to do anything for Will, to be there for him when he had nightmares and was possessed, and bike to him through the storm just to apologize for hurting his feelings. Mike has always cared about Will very deeply, and even though with time the societal pressures forced him to set some boundaries of what is allowed between two male friends, Mike often “slipped” and demonstrated his gentleness and attentiveness towards Will. The way he often looks at Will and the things he says to him when they’re alone make me believe he has feelings for him even more. He may not fully realize them yet, he may be confused about those feelings, and he may certainly convince the GA that he’s straight, but those feelings are there and just haven’t come out yet. He needs time to understand himself better and feel ready to acknowledge his feelings.

And returning to El, I strongly believe that her arc is leaning towards independence. She desperately needs to break free from everything and everyone that has been holding her back, to start living for herself at last and become her own person. This is how she can finally get her happy ending. And I think that Mike-friend can help her achieve that much better than Mike-boyfriend. As Max implied, El needs to discover herself without thinking about what her loved ones want her to be, and this is the right way for her character to develop. El is amazing and deserves happiness, as do Will and Mike.

Please note that this is my personal opinion and the impression I got from watching the show. You’re completely free to disagree with me and have a totally different perspective. If you ship Mileven or dislike Byler, simply move on. I’m sharing my thoughts here for those who I know will support them, and I’m not here to engage in ship wars. I’m not going to interact with you if you’re here to spit bile and troll those who don’t have the same opinion as you. Anyway, thanks for coming to my TED talk. :)

[billythenightguard]

Run Away: Detention (2011) & FNAF Movie Crossover - Chapter One

Masterlist

Mentions: weed, running away

Word Count: 781

Warnings: slightly angsty

Older!Clapton/Mike x GN!Reader

“You have to believe us!” You screeched at the cops, eyes wide, Clapton at your side talking alongside you.

“He might kill more people! Is that what you want?” He asked, his hand holding yours, a way to ground you both so you wouldn’t lose it any further. You didn’t have time to appreciate how his hand perfectly fit yours. How with his chest puffed up in defiance, he seemed truly taller than you by more than just a few inches.

“Look, kids, I don’t know what kind of drugs your on, but stop with this fairytale bullshit, Cinderhella isn’t real.”

“Ugh!!” You cried out, Clapton pulling you back against his chest as you tried to make him let go so you could take a swing at the officer.

“It’s not worth it,” he whispered, “they won’t believe us…” you could tell it was truly bothering him, so you slumped down, nodding to him. Once the cops left, Clapton put you on his skateboard, instructing you when to lean for a turn as he pushed you two forward. He didn’t know how to tell you that he was leaving the lame town of Grizzly Lake, so he took the coward’s way and decided he wouldn’t.

“This is bullshit!” You yelled once you were in his basement, sitting on the couch and crossing your arms. “Sanders is still out there!”

“I know,” he said, digging around and humming triumphantly when he found the little baggie he needed. He wanted to ask you to run away with him, but he couldn’t. You were just 14, hell, your friendship was already a questionable age gap once he turned 18 last October. But you had been neighbors and best friends since you were born as both of your parents liked to say. His parents would say that Clapton would beg to be your babysitter at five years old, how he’d always want to keep you safe. And your parents would say that he was the only person capable of soothing your cries, that you could be throwing a tantrum but the second he ran in, you cheered up. Destined to be best friends for life.

“Come on, little firecracker,” he smiled, sitting beside you and passing you a joint. Making you gasp in excitement, Clapton never let you smoke with him, he said he wanted to keep you as innocent as possible.

“Really?!”

“Yes really, now put the filter between your lips before I change my mind.” He chuckled, watching as you eagerly took the blunt to your lips like you’d seen him do numerous times. “Inhale when the tip starts to smoke a little okay?” He instructed, bringing his cheesy gas station lighter up and flicking the flame on, igniting the tip. You inhaled a little too much and too hard, smoke filling your mouth and lungs, making you quickly pull the blunt away as you coughed, Clapton couldn’t help but to laugh as he rubbed your back.

“Sorry, kiddo, I forgot to warn you. Consider it a rite of passage.”

“Asshole-” you gasped out, wheezing for air as you laughed and tried to clear the smoke out of your lungs. He smiled at the nickname, knowing you meant no harm behind it as he plucked the blunt from your fingers and took his hit, leaning back on the couch.

He hated it, you had fallen asleep on his chest, the blunt long gone hours before, his hand resting on your back and his lips on the top of your head as he fought back tears. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered, “I’m so sorry, please don’t hate me, please… know that if I could, you’d come with me. I’ll leave a note for your parents, telling them to leave this shitty town. Oh god, I’m gonna miss you so much…” he carefully got himself up, laying you on the couch and putting his flannel shirt over you, and then a blanket on top to really keep you warm. “I’m sorry, I have to go… I’m scared… please be safe, find me again okay? Best friends for life.” He softly kissed your cheek one more time before going upstairs to his room, grabbing his emergency bag and leaving in the night.

“So, I only have the day shift available, but it’s 7 days a week, 5:30AM to 6:30PM, I give a thirty minute shift change for you and the other guard to get your things settled.” Steve Raglan spoke, your career counselor since moving to Louisiana three months ago.

“I’ll take it.” You said simply, dressed in your Sunday best, determined to start a new life. One without Clapton Davis on your mind.

Mike stirred awake as he swore he heard a door open and slam, yawning and rubbing his eyes as he saw the time, 5:30 in the morning. He stood up and stretched, his shirt lifting above his stomach lightly before he heard the security room door open. He whipped around quickly and stared at you, his eyes widening as he recognized you instantly.

“You must be the night shift.” His world shattered at that simple statement, you didn’t recognize him.

“Uh, yeah,” he stammered, almost desperate to use the name he abandoned ten years ago. “Mike, Mike Schmidt.” His heart pounding in his chest as he heard your name, it really was you. Your hair was a touch shorter than he remembered, your eyes seemed to lack their spark, but he felt his eyes linger as he recognized his old red flannel.

“When Will You Come, the Wavves.” Mike stated, hearing the music through your earbuds. Instantly he remembered it as the song he had left playing in the basement that night.

“Oh, yeah,” you chuckled, setting your things into the locker. “My best friend used to love this song.”

“Still do…” he murmured, making sure you didn’t hear him.

“God, I’m supposed to forget him, and I still bring him up.” It was clear you hadn’t meant for him to hear that, he felt his chest tighten as he looked at you.

“Forget him?” He pressed, what did you mean, did you hate him now?

“It’s… it’s silly.” You sighed and shook your head. “He left ten years ago, no warning or anything. I think I should have known something was up when he finally let me smoke with him.” You seemed sad, Mike wanted nothing more than to hug you, to confess everything, but if he confessed, he risked you quitting and moving away. He couldn’t handle that, not when life brought you two back together. So for now, he’d keep quiet, whatever it took to keep you in his life. “I’m sorry for dumping all of that on you, we just met but I don’t know… I feel like I could talk to you all day.”

“Don’t apologize,” he smiled, knowing your subconscious was recognizing him. “We all need someone to lean on, I don’t mind listening to you.”

“Well then, the same goes for you Mike.” You smiled at him, the extra security vest over your clothes and his flannel. “Just tell me if there’s anything I can do to help, I just moved here, so I don’t exactly have friends or anything occupying my time.”

Mike softly groaned as he laid down on his bed, Abby was driven to school, luckily having eaten some cereal with Max. You were back, you were finally back, but you wanted to forget him… you moved to forget him. He let out a frustrated groan into the empty house. He knew he should have texted, or sent letters, or something. But he was scared, cowardly.

Sander had said something to him that day, something Mike never told you. “I’ll find you first, and I’ll make her watch as you die.” He didn’t want that, he didn’t want you to watch him get killed. Truly if he died, then so be it, he supposed. Just as long as you didn’t watch. “I’m sorry, Firecracker, I have to lie to you just a little longer… I’m selfish like that.” He murmured as he rolled over on his stomach, getting comfortable to have some proper sleep.

Tag List: @na-is-salty @cancelledkaley @thegirlwholoveslivesfanfiction @dessxoxsworld @mad-die45

[meiissblog]

Another life part 2: 🤍 Gojo x Fem reader (isekai fic)

THIS STORY IDEA WAS TAKEN FROM @stsg-losers thank you for this amazing idea! 😊💕

⚠️MAJOR SPOILERS for Jujutsu kaisen ⚠️

(If you’re not caught up with the JJK manga avoid this story at all costs).

Please read all the parts of this story first you can find all the chapters Here.

~ Another life 🤍 ~

Scenario: After losing to Sukuna and after seeing all his friends in the “afterlife”. Gojo decides to go north and be reincarnated into a new world little did he know this new life would be everything he’s ever wanted.

⚠️WARNINGS ⚠️

Some sexual talk.

Some angst but allot of fluffy love 😭

————————————————————————

Gojo POV:

We were driving back from the elementary school when y/n turned down the music in the car.

“Oh, I forgot I need to stop by the grocery store, are you okay with staying in the car for a bit Toru or do you want me to bring you home first?”. “No, I want to go in with you and Miyoko”. “Oh okay! It shouldn’t be that long, I just need to pick up a few things”. “Mommy, Yuji, and Nobara are coming over, you might want to get extra snacks they stole my fruity gummies last time”. “- you’re right thank you for reminding me sweetie I’ll buy you more today”. We pull into the grocery store parking lot.

I watch as y/n gets Miyoko out of her car seat. “Be on your best behavior today you make sure to hold onto Daddy’s hand, and don’t run off like you usually do got it”. “I know mama, I won’t I promise”. Y/n sets Miyoko on the ground, She immediately runs up to me holding my hand.

——————————————————————

As we walk through the grocery store, I take a moment to appreciate how peaceful everything is. it’s kind of nice to not be constantly on edge, waiting for monsters and or people to come to attack you at any moment. Me and Miyoko walk along behind y/n who is currently walking a little ahead of us. I admire her watching her perfectly plump ass as she walks.

when a sharp pain in my head stops me in my tracks, I hold my head for a moment letting the feeling subside. “Daddy are you okay?”. I stand there for one more moment longer then I look over to Miyoko she looks up at me with worry, I smile at her. “Yeah, I’m fine don’t worry”. I look around for y/n just to see her talking to an older man in a business suit. He grabs y/n’s shoulder and looks her over in a way that’s a little less than friendly. I start to walk up to them when Miyoko tugs on my arm. “Daddy no, can we go somewhere else I don’t like Mr. Anderson, he’s creepy”. “What do you mean he’s creepy?”. “The way he looks at Mom I don’t like it, Mommy doesn’t like him either he always yells at her on the phone”. “Oh, really? Let’s go help your mom everything will be fine I’m right here I won’t let him get near you”.

We walk up to y/n and Mr. Anderson they seem to be bickering back and forth in English. “I’m not doing that, I already told you over the phone. Coming to Japan makes no difference Mike and how the hell did you find where I live”. “It wasn’t that hard y/n I just looked it up on the internet, and oh, look here it’s Mr. Satoru. Glad to see you're recovering so well from your accident. I heard it was pretty bad, and is that little Miyoko I see wow you’re getting so big”. Mike starts to come towards us Miyoko immediately hides behind my leg.

I immediately grab Mike by the shirt. “Thanks for your worry!”. I pull him towards me bringing him close so I can whisper into his ear. “leave my family alone, we are here to shop and you're causing a scene. Not only that you're pissing me off by staring at my wife”. “Tsk, you don’t scare me”. “Oh really? Well, I should now go”. I let Mike go pushing him away. I turn around picking up Miyoko bushing her white hair from her face. “Let’s keep going y/n and let’s get home”. “Y-yeah, you’re right let’s go”.

We finish up our shopping and head back to the car, I put Miyoko into her car seat for y/n. When Y/n walks up to me handing me a Sailor Moon coloring book. She whispers.” I found this while shopping, Miyoko loves Sailor Moon she’s going to freak out, I’ll let you do the honors in giving it to her”. Y/n walks back to put the groceries away. “Oh Miyoko, look what your mom found”. I hand her the coloring book. “OH MY GOSH THANK YOU”. She hugs the notebook swinging her feet. “I can’t wait to get home and color in it thank you”. I Pat her head then I close the door.

———————————————————————

We arrive back home, and I get out of the car and help Miyoko out of her car seat once again. I also go over to help y/n carry in groceries but she stops me. “g-gojo it’s fine you can go inside, you’re still injured, I can take care of this myself”. “ the both of you can head inside we got this”.

“kids, hey!”. “Hey, Mrs. Satoru”. Yuji and Nobara say at the same time

jinxing each other in the process.

“Hey, Mrs. Satoru! Mimiko and Nanako also walk up waving. “Oh, hey girls, Happy to see you two Does Geto know you’re here”. “Yeah, Dad knows”. “Big sisters!”. “Miyoko runs up to the two of them Nanako immediately picks her up smiling everyone heads inside.

As all of us head inside my head is starts to throb again. “Sorry, y/n but I’m going to go lay down again”. “Do you want me to bring you more pain medicine?”. “That would be great”. I walk back to our bedroom feeling existed. Damn, I’m not used to having an injury like this, in the other universe I’d be able to reverse it.

I lay there for a bit with my eyes closed until I hear y/n enter. She hands me a glass of water and some medicine. “Your vision isn’t blurry, is it?”. “No, it’s fine”. “Good!”. I take the glass and pills from her when She leans over casually kissing me on the side of the forehead. My eyes widen slightly, she immediately backs away. “O-oh no I’m sorry! I forgot you don’t remember me, that was just a force of habit. I hope I didn’t upset you”.

I lay down shaking my head. “it’s fine,

I wouldn’t be mad if you did it again”. I smirk at her. “I-if you’re sure..”. I nod yes. She leans over kissing me this time on the middle of my forehead. “you’re cute y/n”. She blushes standing upright. “Thank you, Toru I-I’ll let you know when dinner is ready”.

Y/N POV:

I walk back out towards the kitchen my face still slightly red, That man is going to be the death of me. I think to myself. when I look over at all the kids lying around the living room. “Hey, kids I’m making dinner if you need me I’ll be in the kitchen”. they all answer me back with various responses, as I head into the kitchen, shocked to see Geto already putting stuff away.

“Oh Geto, you don’t need to do that you’re a guest”. I walk up to him with a concerned look. “Please, y/n it’s fine I’m just helping out since I assume Satoru is resting”. “Yeah, he’s had a big day today”. Me and Geto put the rest of the groceries away keeping out the ingredients for tonight’s dinner.

“Okay, y/n what are we doing”. “I’m making homemade pizza! For dinner, I hope you and the girls are okay with that”. “The girls love pizza that Sounds good y/n”. “Fantastic! First off, I got to turn on this oven”. I turn on the oven quickly then I head off the sink washing my hands very well. “If you can grab the dough out of the refrigerator for me, it should be on the first shelve towards the back”. I grab a couple of pizza pans from out of the lower cupboard laying them out as Geto hands the homemade pizza dough.

I unwrap one Bach of the dough and I begin to shape it to the pan as I usually do. “so,

y/n what did you and Satoru talk about”.

“I caught him up on some things that have to do with the kids and some about my background, could you grab the pizza sauce, it's also on the first shelf”. Geto nods walking over to the refrigerator grabbing the bowl of pizza sauce he walks over to me laying the bowl on the counter. I pour some of the oregano into the sauce before I start spreading it into the pizza.

“Are you okay? Y/n”. I stop for a moment shocked by his question, but I continue spreading the sauce onto the pizza already placing the cheese.

“I’m fine, geto”. “You’ve been holding things together pretty well all things concerned y/n”. “I try…”. I set the plain cheese pizza aside repeating the steps but adding pepperoni to the top. “Toru, losing his memories is kinda hard of course.. but he has it harder than me, imagine waking up in a place you don’t recognize at all”. I make one more half cheese and pepperoni pizza. Geto puts all the pizzas into the often for me. “Y/n, it’s okay for you to talk about your frustrations as well I don’t mind listening”. “Well,… it’s not frustration, it’s more sadness. Knowing that the man I’ve been with for 5 years no longer remembers me or his children is a lot to take in. But at least he’s still here and alive…”.

“I’ve been meaning to ask you y/n, Do you think some of the people threatening you caused Satoru to get into the accident”. I nervously mess with my hair. “I don’t know maybe? The police asked me the same question, that thought scares me. especially after what happened today”. “What happened?”. “Anderson, my father's old business partner came up to me at the grocery store”. “What did he do?”.

“Nothing crazy, he just was arguing with me again about selling my father's company to some of the shareholders. I don’t care what he says I’m not selling my father’s company to those people, I’m still waiting on the right seller. -

the company isn’t struggling right now, I mean we are still doing the same as we always have with me at the command- ”.

“Mommy!”. I Watch as Megumi and Miyoko enter the kitchen hand in hand. “Can I get some fruit gummies please”. I bend down to Miyoko’s level. “You do realize dinner is going to be ready soon”. “I know, but I just want one bag please”. “Fine, but just one this is your reward for being so good at the grocery store”. I stand back up grabbing two packs of the fruit gummies I hand one to Miyoko and I hold one out to Megumi. “Mom I don’t need any-“. “I know you want some as well just take it”. Megumi sheepishly takes the bag and they head back to the living room.

———————————————————————

- a few weeks later-

Gojo POV:

A few weeks pass everything is still going great my recovery is going along smoothly and I’m sort of getting used to this relaxed life. So far I’m enjoying it.

The night was creeping in and everything had calmed down, all the guests had already gone home. Everyone had retired to their separate rooms and I was ready to relax, I get into my and y/n’s bed turning on the TV.

When the bathroom door in our bedroom swings open. I look over to see y/n in nothing but her underwear, holding one of our bathroom towels and running it through her beautiful hair. My eyes fixate on her entire body for a second before reality hits me and I look away out of respect. “Oh, you! You’re in here I’m sorry just ignore me. I forgot my pajamas in the dresser”. “I-it’s fine y/n”. I continue to look away but my curiosity gets stronger as I hear her shuffling through the dresser doors. I decided to have one more peek. I turn my head slightly just to see her back towards me, my eyes travel down to her ass I can feel myself getting hot after seeing that she was wearing a thong. “Toru, I need to talk to you”. “Y-yeah.., uh- what is it y/n”. “About that concert, you know the one that the kids are going to in a few days. Well, I’m still worried about it”. “Y/n I’m sure they’ll be okay I mean they’re all high schoolers aren’t they”. “No, you probably don’t remember, kenshi our biological son is only 13”. “Wait! That tall kid is only 13?!”. “Yeah, he’s 3 years younger than Megumi, I’m letting you know this because I’m worried about him I mean I’m worried about Megumi, Tsumiki, Yuji, and Nobara - well, all of them but they're all older, and Kenshi-“. I get up from the bed going over to y/n she turns around as cage her in using my arms. I smirk to myself slightly as she blushes. “He’s already done the work and so has Megumi, they earned the money and did a decent job. I know you’re nervous but it would be unfair to not let him go after they worked so hard”. Y/n still looks worried I sigh. “he’s going to be with his siblings I’m sure he’ll be fine. I was thinking since all the teens will be gone maybe we could find someone to watch Miyoko for a few hours”. She raises her eyebrow at me. “and why is that”. “ I figured Since I’ve lost my memories maybe they’d come back a bit faster,

if we were to spend some quality time together”. “Oh, really? Gojo? What kind of quality time?”. She looks up at me in a teasing way rubbing her hands up and down against my biceps. “Maybe we could watch a movie have some dinner and then -”. I put my lips to her ear. “I could rail you into that mattress”. “Oh you’d do that to a “stranger” huh?”. I start to kiss the side of her neck as her arms wrap around my waist.

Just then I hear a tiny knock on the door me and y/n pull apart immediately as Miyoko opens the door, carrying her blankly and stuffed cat in her arms. I also notice her eyes are red like she was crying. I go over to her picking her up immediately as y/n scrambles to find a nightgown.

“Are you okay Miyoko?”. “I had a scary dream.. she trembles hugging me tightly around my neck, as she starts to cry. I rub the back of her head. “What was it about”. “I don’t wanna talk about it”. She sobs harder.

I carry her over to the bed, sitting on the side of it still holding Miyoko. Y/n now dressed in her nightgown walks over to us. She sits beside me as she rubs Miyoko’s back. After a few moments, Miyoko finally sits back looking up at us her red eyes still running with tears and her nose dripping. Y/n grabs some tissues from our side table wiping Miyoko’s face softly. “Are you ready to talk about it?”. She nods yes. “I had a dream a man was outside my window”. Me and y/n look at each other for a moment as Miyoko continues to explain. “I was sleeping in my bed, and I thought I heard someone tapping on the outside of my window. I opened my eyes to see a figure I thought I was still dreaming or imagining it so I covered my head and tried to go back to sleep. I was too scared to move, so I stayed there for a few minutes until I finally got the courage to look out the window again, and there was nobody there”. Just then Megumi opens the door. “Hey is everything okay? Why is Miyoko crying?”. I hand Miyoko to y/n and I get up. “I’m going outside to check things, stay here with your mother if I’m not back in 10 minutes call the police”. Y/n tries to grab my arm pleading with me to stop, but I ignore her heading outside.

I open our front door locking it behind me as I quietly head outside. It is pretty dark, there are a few lights on the outside of the house but it looks like we need more. I move very quietly through the grass listening for any sound. I wish I had my six eyes right about now. I think to myself when I hear some shuffling in the bushes near Miyoko’s room. I get ready to attack when a black cat jumps from out of the bush, I’m shocked to see. One tiny kitten walks out from that same area. The mom and the kitten rub against my legs I check back behind The bush and around the area luckily I don’t find a human or any other cats. Well, at least it wasn’t a person.

I pick up the cats they’re pretty skinny and they seem used to people I wonder if they’re lost? I bring them inside. As I walk in the door a cold sweat breaks out on my neck,

I can feel y/n’s eyes burning into me oh man she’s pissed and I’m in trouble I can feel it.

I lock the front door, just to see y/n, Miyoko, and Megumi sitting on the couch. Y/n’s stare is making me nervous. “L-Luckily what you saw wasn’t a person Miyoko it was a black cat”. Miyoko runs over excitedly. “more kitties awe!”. “ you can look at them, but you can’t touch them yet. We don’t know what diseases they could be carrying we don’t want you or Kyo getting sick”. y/n walks over her arms crossed. She looks at the two cats reaching out and petting the black cat's head she sighs. “I’ll set up an area for them in the guest room until we can get them checked out by a vet”. y/n says in a stern voice waking away. Megumi gets up shrugging.

“Okay then, Goodnight dad, good luck on trying to get Mom to forgive you”. My eye twitches slightly. When Miyoko gets my attention tugging on the bottom of my shirt. “Daddy, I’m scared to sleep in my room by myself can I sleep by you and Mama”. “Let’s go ask your mom first”.

———————————————————————

Me, y/n and Miyoko get cozy in me and y/n’s shared bed we sit and watch the original Frozen. “You don’t have to worry about going to school tomorrow little one, it’s 2:09 am am you’ll be way too tired”. “Okay, mama”. I Watch as Miyoko falls asleep hugging y/n’s arm. I reach over and stroke Miyoko’s hair when me And y/n’s eyes meet she looks at me with the same scary look from earlier. I smile at her nervously. “Hey, y/n I’m sorry-“. “ you ever make me worry for your safety again, you. won’t have to worry about someone else trying to kill you, because I’ll do it myself”. She turns her attention back to the movie. “o-okay”. Women are so terrifying.

Read part 3 HERE

Back to part 1

MASTERLIST

Tags 💕😭: @phoenix666stuff , @missroro

(if you want to be tagged just leave a comment).

[gayofthefae]

Here it is. The Mike Wheeler Playlist Post.

So I finished it. What seems to be the end of season 4, at least. I am avoiding spoilers for myself. All 28 songs from Smalltown Boy to Mad World. Here is what I have deduced:

Mike got over El after she left and started liking Will, but when she came back, he got with her motivated by the grief of “what could have been” but once they got together he felt that the relationship was aimless, only staying because it was familiar. He pursued getting back together with her because he didn’t want to lose her, despite feeling that the spark wasn’t there anymore. His fight with Will makes him question their relationship again but he ultimately doesn’t believe Will reciprocates and regrets even going back down that path. He doesn’t know what he’s going to do when Will moves. He can’t get Will out of his head and, though secrecy is the only safe thing, he’s getting worn down with it and is increasingly considering taking action in his relationship with El because his feelings for Will make him happy and don’t seem to be going anywhere. He’s getting anxious as it gets closer but Will talking to him in the van gives him a lot of security, but then the moment comes and he lies and feels absolutely horrible about it. He feels like he’s just running in circles. More inaction. Over a year now of just inaction.

There are 19 songs left which feels like a lot for one season as I've said before but in defense of that on top of just the consistent alignment with plot points in the playlist this far, season 5 is going to go back in and reveal a lot of this stuff with some very complicated emotions and much more focus on him, his feelings, his trauma, and his overall relationship with Will. So there IS a lot there to fill songs with. If you would like to read my original semi-chaotic notes from the past 5 hours(you read that correctly. You're welcome. And yes I know the full playlist I didn't even finish is only 3.5 hours) listed by song and including bits I skipped over so that it wouldn't be horribly long, lyric quotes, and one link to a cover analysis, you can do so under the cut.

Scared closeted gay kid in a smalltown in the 80s (confirmed by the songwriter, widely known in this fandom)

He sees Will everywhere.

This girl’s really cool and knows about things I don’t

Alien abduction - ET Parallels.

This song is an instrumental but the title “In The Face of Evil” is self-explanatory

El heroically sacrificed herself for everyone. She is a hero because she is the type of person to make that choice.*sweet that his love isn't hero worship, that's just how he conveys it.

He’s haunted by the memories of El, seeing her face everywhere.

Over time, “absence makes the heart lose weight” and his feelings for her fade

He’s starting to experience a new and scarily tempting, intoxicating kind of love. (based on context…for Will)

This song is an instrumental but the title is “Beta Girl Lost in Forever”. There is a great cover art analysis by @digestionsack at #20 of the post linked here but I could not find anything on the original meaning of the song or album. I couldn't find like anything else on Google of this one's meaning there were under 300 results when I searched in quotes.

This song is a duet that looks back on the relationship of a boy who helped lift up a girl from a very low and helpless place but the girl is now gone and he wants her to need him again and a girl who always had ambitions not dependent on him from the start and appreciated the time they spent together but needed independence now.

He feels an uncontrollable love that’s taking all his focus that he “can’t shake” but “makes [him] feel so blue” (for Will given the last love song)*this is to say nothing of his self awareness. (though could have convinced himself he got over it as opposed to never having known? *consistent with the s3 fight words)

A song about teenage love. Kinda horny.*He's in love and a little bit horny in the season checks notes...without El?

It’s “Ghostbusters”. It makes sense in a literal context but for the record this song is actually very 80s-under the radar-horny like “Barbie Girl”. Probably literal in this case but I’m sure the Duffers know about the second meaning and so maybe it shouldn’t be put right after Teenage Kicks if they aren’t trying to make me at least consider the possibility that they’re meaning to say Mike is jerking off to Will, possibly while he’s possessed. I didn’t need that, Pete Duffer. (Although 13-year-old boys definitely do. I remember the back of the bus conversations on middle school jazz band trips. I'm all for openness and sex education but I know too much about your masturbatory habits, Ben.)

El comes back and he reflects on how their relationship ended so suddenly and she branched out into independence but now that she’s back he’s not gonna let her get away again.*seems like he wants to fix the past vs take action in the present. What could have been. Acting on behalf of his past self.

Their relationship feels aimless to him, but he stays because it’s familiar. “I’ll carry on with what I know”.*her dumping HIM was an important push for him.

Making mistakes is human and a natural part of relationships. He stays in the relationship despite the spark dying out of a larger, more general love for her and because he doesn’t want to lose her. “If not so in love, it’s not so wrong, we’re only human after all.”*feeling an obligation to get her back because while not dating, she's gone completely (at first)?

He left Will/his feelings for him behind but he’s reminded of them by their fight (“little deals and S.U’s”) and he questions the nature of their relationship again but he doesn’t think that it means to Will what it means to him. “A sly touch at times; I don’t think it meant anything to you”. He regrets even going down that road again. “And I should never have tried”.

He’s going to miss them when they move, seeming to specify Will with “seven years went under the bridge”. He doesn’t know what to do without him now.*this song might sort of also explain why he didn't call if he didn't but it's not sure and there are no other songs about it, so he still could have called("if you leave don't look back, I'll be running the other way" but not every lyric has to apply and it could mean something else)

He’s now set/stuck in his desire for Will and can’t get him out of his head. (I considered an angle of this being for El, but the constant thinking about the lover + the interpretation of unreciprocated a love/a pursuit didn’t fit)*one of the interpretations I read also said they think it's about a gay guy which is a great addition, though not an "official" interpretation.

He feels safest in isolation/secrecy (car=closet?) “It’s the only way to live” but he’s wearing down and feeling lonely/alone in this state so he’s starting to consider “leaving” it.

He definitely still has feelings for Will that don’t seem to be going anywhere. They’re kinda…baffling “You got me so I don’t know what I’m doing”. He’s losing sleep over them. But…he’s not mad at it “don’t ever set me free”.

He criticizes himself for his inaction and starts to seriously think about making decisions for himself.

He’s in love. (very simple lyrics: “I saw your eyes, and for a little while/though it took a while, I was falling in love” repeatedly with minor variation)

He’s worn and broken down but still wants love. He’s holding onto Will in the chaos of his mind and the world and trying to keep out of preying eyes. Also it is apparently written as tribute to Stranger Things after season 1, which is cute. “Just stay close” “You can’t stop this feeling.” “They won’t pull us down”. This song is also called “Vale of Shadows”.

Instrumental Synth called “Dead of Night”

He’s full of uncertainty as seeing El gets closer but Will talking to him in the van comforts him and gives him more security; Will’s love makes it all better. “And she pulling the strings” definitely fits this idea of the situation with Will (especially if he is aware)

He feels horrible about lying to El (The song is “Mad World”). He feels like he’s just “run[ning] in circles”.

Notable lyrics: 

[pre-season 2-season 2]

When Love Breaks Down "Absence makes the heart lose weight yeah, til love breaks down, til love breaks down" "When love breaks down, the things you do to stop the truth from hurting you. When love breaks down, the lies we tell, they only serve to fool ourselves." I really thought it would say “grow fonder”, which fit and was cute and I was fine with, but nope. And my jaw went slack and it made me want to write this whole thing.

Love is a Stranger "Love is a stranger in an open car to tempt you in and drive you far away." "Love is a dangerous drug. You have to receive it and you still can't get enough of the stuff." "Comes in like the flood and it seems like religion" "And I want you so, it's an obsession. It's guilt edged."

[season 3]

Something About You “If not so in love, it’s not so wrong. We’re only human, after all.”

Are ‘Friends’ Electric “A sly touch at times. I don’t think it meant anything to you.” “And I never should have tried.” “For you see, it meant everything to me.”

[season 4, volume 2]

Mad World “When people run in circles, it’s a very, very mad world.”

[blakelysco-pilot]

oooh chickie!! I’d love to see 4 & 11 with Val & Ev and 17 & 21 with Rosie & Jo for the “in love and scared to lose you” prompts! 🥰

Chickie these were a lot of fun, thanks for picking them! So sorry for the wait, I hope you love it! 😘

Prompts from this list; ask box is open and so are requests.

More of our favorites under the cut 💗

Ev & Val

4. "i feel stupid, why do u make me grin like a spineless fool whenever i am around you?"

11. a soothing, and tender "come here, sweetheart

The sound of the band playing filled the Officers Club, the men’s voices carrying over the music as they crowded around the bar and various tables. Those who had been gone for so long, finally home where they belonged. Thorpe Abbotts had never been so crowded, and yet, Val had never loved it more. Standing with a group of their friends, she was tucked under Curt’s arm, the two catching up on everything he had missed while he was held POW, the two years seeming endless while they were happening, but now, it was as if no time had passed. Friends till the very end, Curt had swore when they were teenagers- she’d be hard pressed to let him ever forget it.

“So, gal, tell me,” he started, lifting the rocks glass to his lips, taking a generous sip of whiskey. “Is Blakely coming home with us?”

“You make it sound like we’re a throuple,” she rolled her eyes. “But to answer your question, yes. He’s coming back to New York. At least for now.”

“For now?”

“Well, his family is in Seattle Curt….”

“Walla Walla ain’t got nothing for him but his Ma, and he knows that.”

“Well his mother is going to want to see him, same as yours wants to see you.” Val rolled her eyes, polishing off the last of her drink.

“He’s gonna wanna stay with you back home, mark my words.”

“There he goes again, Curt Biddick, psychiatrist.”

“You said not to do that anymore.” He grinned widely, blue eyes shining with mischief.

“I did, now stop, it’s gross.”

“What’s gross is the goo goo eyes Blakely’s making at ya while pretending to listen to DeMarco.”

She turned on her heel, eyes searching the crowded club until she found Everett’s big hazel eyes staring back at her. He was smiling lazily, whiskey glass hanging from his grasp, cigarette nestled between his middle and pointer finger. Benny DeMarco was going on about something, Meatball sitting dutifully at his owner's feet, but Everett’s eyes were on her. Turning back to the bar, she leaned forward to order another drink, when one was placed in front of her with no pretense. Expecting to see Curt to her right, she was surprised to find the spot empty, only Mike the bartender standing in front of her.

“From Major Blakely.” He nodded his head down the other end of the bar, where Everett was still watching her.

“Thanks Mike,” she grinned, taking a sip as if to make sure it was right. “Perfect as always.”

“You always say that Val.”

“And I always mean it.” She departed with a wink, intending on thanking her man for the sweet gesture.

Mindful of the drink in her hand, she crossed the room, pushing through the bodies packed in around her, until finally she reached Everett, who was still trying to give DeMarco some of his attention.

“Benny,” she placed a hand on his back to catch his attention. The way his shoulder blades seemed more pronounced was not lost on her. “Mind if I join you boys?”

“Cugine!” He crowed, throwing an arm over her shoulder. “We were just talking about you!”

Her eyebrow raised as if to ask what about, when Everett seemed to realize he had in fact missed an entire conversation about his girlfriend because he was too busy staring at her from across the room.

“I’m almost afraid to ask, Ben…”

“I was telling Blakely all about your secret letters in code.”

“I didn’t write letters in code, stunad…”

“Anyway,” Benny waved his hand as if to clear the air. “Looks like you want a minute, so I’m going to take this fella for a walk. C’mon Meatball!”

Once Benny was out of earshot, Ev had her in his arms, lips pressed to her ear so only she could hear him. She was shivering before he even said a word, the warm breath fanning over her cheek as she waited for him to do something. Anything.

“Everett…”

“I feel stupid,” he murmured, lips brushing the shell of her ear. “So, so stupid… like a fool in love.”

“Honey?”

“Why do you make me grin like a spineless fool whenever I’m around you?”

“Oh…”

“You,” he wrapped his arm around her tighter, until she was flush against his body. “Have all this power over me, did you know that?”

“I think you’ll find that you’re the one with all the power, Major.” She blinked up at him, lashes fluttering against her cheek

“Are we back to formalities?” He looked down at her, his left hand coming up to take the glass from her right hand, and carefully place it on the bar.

“Depends…”

“On what?”

“On whether you’re going to use some of that power or not.”

“Jesus…” he groaned, pressing his face into the soft curve of her neck, teeth grazing her pulse with enough force to leave her breathless.

He turned her in his arms, her back now pressed to his front, and guided her through the crowd in the club, towards the dance floor. To her, it was like the first time, every time. Being in his arms, safe, protected and loved, was Val’s favorite place.

John Brady, who had decided to jump in with the band for old times sake, clocked the two of them and mumbled something quick to the conductor, giving Everett a thumbs up before going back to his sheet music. As the music slowed, Val found herself being swayed gently, secure in her man’s arms.

“You all caught up with Curt?”

“Oh, hardly,” she giggled. “Mostly talked about going home.”

“I have a feeling we’ll be there sooner than we think.”

“Yea?”

“Absolutely, things are looking up.”

“Are you…are you excited to go home?”

“With you,” he grinned, and pressed his nose to hers. “Absolutely I am.”

“Well, what about your home?”

“I mean, we can take a trip out to visit, but there's nothing left in Walla Walla for me, honey.”

“Oh…”

“There’s some things of mine in the house I’d like, but otherwise, my life is with you now. Ma knows that.”

“I don’t…”

“Don’t what?”

“I don’t want her to think I’m taking her son away.”

“Come here, sweetheart,” he tugged her closer, the hand on her waist sliding up her back. “I promise she doesn’t think that.

“She doesn’t?”

“She wants to come see us in New York as soon as we get back. She wants to meet you, and your Ma. Wants to see everyone and everything.”

“My mother is pretty keen on meeting yours too.”

“Her last letter said, and I quote ‘Everett Ernest, if I get there and she isn’t wearing a ring, god help you’.”

“She did not!”

“She can’t wait to meet her daughter in-law.” He grinned, pinching her chin softly.

“She’s always been sweet in her letters to me.”

“Cause she already loves you,” he soothed her, his hand coming up to rest on her neck, thumb grazing over her cheek. “Sweetheart, it’s hard not to love you. You’re something amazing.”

“Ev…”

“We’re going home soon. I promise, we’re going home soon.”

Rosie & Jo

17. "you.. you're a dream."

21. a sigh of release when they're finally in your arms like they longed for it all day !!!!!

Jo had just gotten baby Crosby to settle. After an hour of Jean rocking him, Jo had taken over to give her friend a break, the exhaustion on her face bordering on frustration and sadness, at her son’s feeble cries. Shushing him softly, Jo placed him in his bassinet before flicking on the small night light that Mrs. Rosenthal had gifted the baby, tiptoed out of the room, leaving the door open a crack, and made her way back downstairs to join Jean. She found her friend on the sofa, two cocktails in front of her on the coffee table, and the radio playing softly.

“Rough day?” Jo joked, coming to sit beside her.

“He’s his father’s son alright…” Jean huffed out a deep breath.

“Fussy?”

“He’s particular,” Jean rolled her eyes, passing one of the glasses to Jo. “Thank you for helping with putting him down, I thought my arms were going to fall off.”

“Oh, stop that, I’m happy to help for as long as you need it, I love that little boy.”

“He loves his Aunt Jo too.”

The pair remained on the sofa for some time, leisurely sipping their drinks and humming along to the radio. Time passed comfortably for them, and when Jo suggested a snack, Jean’s eyes lit up because she knew exactly what Jo was going into the kitchen to get. Mrs. Harris’ famed chocolate chip cookies. Standing from the couch, Jo made her way into the kitchen just as someone knocked on the front door.

“Just bring the tupperware, Jo!” Jean called out to her. “I’ll get the door.”

“It’s probably that grouch from next door,” Jo mumbled as she wandered into the kitchen. “She can’t stand the baby crying and now she’s come to tell you to quiet him down.”

Pulling open the ice box, Jo retrieved the tupperware of cookies from her mother. She couldn't hear Jean talking to anyone, and quickly made her way back towards the front of the house to find out what was going on.

“Jean? Who’s at the door?”

“Jo… put those down and come here.” Her friend’s voice was muffled from the foyer, and so she quickly dropped the cookies on the coffee table to join her.

“You sound like you’ve seen a ghost,” Jo turned to join her at the door. “Who’s here…oh!”

She knew this boy. Knew his curls, blue eyes, and bright smile. But it couldn’t be; not her Robbie, looking the same but older somehow and standing at their door. Behind him, she could see Harry Crosby in that same pressed uniform as when he came home on that four week leave all those months ago, giving her a gentle wave.

“Hi, honey pie…”

“Robbie!” Jo gasped, hand coming to cover her mouth, eyes filling with tears. Rosie smiled, taking a slight step forward to capture her free hand in his.

“I’m home, sweetheart.”

She was in his arms in a flash, nose buried against his neck, arms wrapped around him tightly. Years of missing him, days spent trying to occupy her mind, nights curled under the blankets worrying while staving off tears, now over. He was home, and he was holding her the way she had longed to be held since the day she said goodbye to him on the platform of Grand Central. The scratch of his uniform against her cheek felt the same, his hands burning hot through her blouse and he tugged her infinitely closer on the doorstep. She hadn’t realized that she was crying until she heard Rosie’s quiet soothing, his hand rubbing up and down between her shoulder blades as big, fat crocodile tears splashed from her eyes to his shoulder, her quiet sobs (she hoped) muffled by his body.

“Are you… you’re a dream…”

“Not a dream, honey,” he huffed out a laugh. “I’m very real.”

“I’m sorry, I just… I can’t believe you’re finally home!”

“We’ve been wishing for this haven’t we,” he murmured lowly, pressing his lips softly into her hair. “Wishing for it all to be over.”

“It’s really over,” she sighed in relief, Rosie gingerly pulling her face from where she was hiding so that he could see her clearly. “Oh, I’m a mess, Robbie, no.”

“You’re beautiful, my sweet girl.” He beamed, thumb and index finger cradling her chin.

Neither of them had noticed Harry and Jean slipping back into the house, or that they were now alone in the foyer of the Crosby home, but it wasn’t something either cared to remedy at that moment. Love letters had brought them to this moment, and now there was nothing blocking the way for them. They had survived quite possibly the most difficult part of their relationship- the part that wasn’t much of a relationship, but a sweet courtship leading them to the good stuff.

“I have missed you, something terrible…” Rosie sighed, arms still wrapped around her, yet holding her at a distance so he could take all of her in.

“Just…” With a deep sigh, she fell back into his arms, holding him as tight as possible. Her head resting against his shoulder, fingers gently carding through the curls at the base of his neck, safe and content. “Hold me a little longer, please.”

“Honey pie, I’m never letting go.” He grinned, nose buried in her dark curls. “Never ever.”

[willbyersabyss]

The rain fight lingers between Will and Mike so much in season four. There’s an unspoken tension and caution even after Mike apologizes.

Mike had clearly taken notice of Will’s lack of interests in girls before. When El mentioned Will liking a girl, he seemed surprised, curious even? He tries to subtly bring it up at the airport but Will quickly dismisses it. Mike gets a weird expression on his face like he regrets bringing it up. Was he reminded of their fight? Does he think Will took what he said to heart and found a girl to like because of it? Mike doesn’t bring up Will’s crush again the entire time they’re together because it’s a sensitive topic for both of them.

Mike accuses Will of being a douche to El the same way he did in their previous fight. When Will flips it back on Mike not paying attention to him, Mike tries to end it there because he can feel everything unspoken bubbling back up. He doesn’t want another tear in their friendship after everything.

Will doesn’t back down, though. The worst has already happened. He puts everything they’re avoiding out in the open because he just wants to know why Mike keeps pushing him away. While Will only mentions the lack of calls, they both know the real thing tearing them apart. Mike’s disinterest in Will the previous summer is what made Will feel like he didn’t care. When exactly did they used to be best friends? It wasn’t right before Will moved, it was before the rain fight. That’s where the true push and pull began.

At this point, Mike hadn’t apologized yet. Will was looking intently at Mike until he brought up old fights with El. He feels uncomfortable at the mention of Mike fighting with someone. Is he remembering the two fights they had? The more “adult” fight they had in the rain about growing up?

Mike is fidgeting with his hands and seems very nervous to bring up El around Will. The last time he talked about relationship problems, Will was very dismissive and annoyed. Mike was scared they would have the same constant bickering again. This time, Will reacts softly with advice which surprises Mike. He has a strange expression like that wasn’t the reaction he was expecting (another explanation of this here). Maybe he’s thinking about how much Will has changed? Maybe he feels guilty for being the catalyst of that change…

After that interaction went smoothly, Mike goes to apologize to Will. Will is surprised when Mike says he didn’t deserve any bad treatment. There it is again, the unspoken tension.

Mike goes on to say that worrying about El made him lose Will. He seemed much more worried about Will at Rink-O-Mania, though? He noticed Will acting upset but didn’t notice El acting the same way. Oh but it’s just about the calls, right? Nope. Mike tried to call many times. So when was this worrying happening? The previous summer. He started losing Will after their big fight in the rain, not when he couldn’t reach Will over the phone. That’s what he’s referring to here. Mike was so preoccupied with his relationship with El that he couldn’t balance his friendship with Will.

With their friendship slotting back into place, Will decides to bring up DnD. Mike looks away, preoccupied and disinterested. Will gets quiet and tries to talk about the only thing that seems to keep Mike’s attention: El. Why would he think this? The rain is still in the back of his mind.

Mike rambles about his insecurities and when he finally looks over, it’s Will’s turn to seem disinterested. Mike backs down and apologizes for worrying about “stupid” things. He’s thinking about their bickering from that summer again. Even though Will has shown a changed mindset, Mike is still wary about asking Will for relationship advice. Will is just glad that Mike is actually talking to him after months of silence and uncertainty. Will constantly shifts the topic to El even when Mike doesn’t mention her. They’re both trying to keep each others attention without starting another fight.

Constant reminders of that summer linger between them because they haven’t really talked about it yet. Will avoids “childish” topics like DnD while Mike avoids bringing up El too much. They’re trying everything they can to prevent another rain fight.

[peakyblinders1919]

Haddie Harrington Pt. 8

|part 1| |part 2| |part 3| |part 4| part 5 | part 6| |part 7|

He felt his work was done. 

Standing back on solid ground, everything around him looked the same as in the Upside down, but a bit more alive, a bit more aflame. So much has happened so fast; being trapped by the hive mind in the stairway of the Creel house, being released and seeing Vecna, the Molotov Cocktails, the reverb of Nancy’s shotgun, Vecna falling to oblivion, the chimes.

Ding. Ding. Ding. Ding.

Four chimes. Four lives. The beginning of the end. 

At least they made it out alive.

Most of them.

Eddie Munson, the misfit, the freak of Hawkins, and alleged murder, hadn't made it. He fought one hell of a battle, Metallica and all, but he had taken his last breath surrounded by his friends and the real monsters responsible for all this. Not him.

Steve tried ,hell, did he try to think of every way to get the boy’s limp body back to Hawkins, if only for Dustin’s sake, but there was no way.

Caressing the back of the teens head against his shoulder, suppressing his sobs, he made a bunch of false promises. Anything to see his best friend happy again. 

“We’re ok, he didn’t die in vain, we’re safe, Vecna’s gone, we defeated him, we’ll find a way to close the gates again, you tell his uncle the truth, we’ll never forget him, El and Mike and Will and everyone will be alright. We’re safe.”

He said it with such confidence, and yet, he didn’t know if anything he had said was true. Or ever would be.

“Max,” it was a whisper from Nancy, and he couldn’t help but wonder if Vecna had succeeded in his curse. What had happened on the other side. Was Max really ok? Was she safe? Were you safe?

That’s the moment when he felt his chest tighten, his heart beat a mile a minute, the first time he was nervous, scared, in all of this. It wasn’t seeing Vecna, the scaly, slimy, humanoid dark wizard, it wasn’t nearly losing his breath as the vines tightened around his neck, or when he saw the same happen to Nancy and Robin. None of that scared him. But the fact that he didn’t know what happened on the other side, if you were safe, if you were alive, that left him feeling like a knife had been plunged in his heart and twisted.

“We’ve got to go. NOW!” The panic in his eyes didn’t go unnoticed by any of them, and yet still he found himself carrying all the extra weight for them, hurrying them back through the glowing red portal, trying to process the rips in the Earth as they sped across town to the park, the Creel house, looking for answers. Hoping to have his worst fear denied.

Though he fought hard against it, you said you’d be the one to stay behind with the kids in actual Hawkins, to protect Max and Lucas and Erica the way Steve protected Dustin and Nancy and Robin. Though it wasn’t the same, not really. 

But who said he always had to be the protector?

He knew he should have fought you harder. To stay with him, fight by his side.

You were safe but just barely.

Steve went rigid, frozen in his spot when he laid eyes upon the scene sprawled out on the floor of the Creel House, illuminated in a sickenly calming blue glow. Lucas was sobbing, holding Max in his arms. Max, a scene out of a horror movie, eyes foggy, glazed over, drips of blood like Carrie starting at her eyes and dripping down her cheeks, as if she was crying blood. She was crying, whimpering, her limbs broken at odd angles that weren’t humanly possible. And yet she was breathing, she was talking, and though Vecna had been successful with completing his four curses to open the literal gates to Hell, he hadn’t succeed in taking everyone away from the party. 

Gruesome though it was, hopeless though it seemed, the ambulance was on the way, the distant wails of the siren growing louder, though he knew the crews were being dispatched all around town. 

And suddenly, when they needed him most, there Steve stood frozen.

Dustin raced over to them both, grasping Max’s other hand in his and taking care of her, helping to keep her comfortable as they could do nothing more than wait. He cried harder when Lucas continued to tremble. Robin hugged Erica in the corner, reassuring her everything was ok and Erica just quietly accepting the comfort.

He felt her hand on his shoulder, a quiet sign asking if he was ok. Nancy’s voice barely above a whisper as she asked it out loud, hoping maybe he’d respond to that.

“Steve.” It was a squeak, a whisper falling from your lips. You sat on the ground not far away from the kids, needing the wall to support you. The commotion, the voices of the others, knowing they were ok and they were here, was enough to give you strength to open your eyes. He looked at you, finally, with a face so horror-striken and panicked you knew you must have looked as awful as you felt. You kept your hand pressed to your side, every deep breath in aching your ribs, which were most likely broken. All you smelled was the metallic sting of blood, caked all over your face from you bloody, broken nose and the other cuts littered everywhere. Besides the broken ribs and the broken nose, your ankle had twisted in a way that only gave you any comfort when you weren’t on it.

“Steve,” you breathed again, hopeful this time, a quiet pleading in your voice for him to come to your side. You wanted to hug him, kiss him, you wanted him and the warmth that radiated from his chest like sunshine…

And he had just looked at you; exhausted, scared, and frozen to his spot, as you were slowly slipping away, the seconds tick, tick ticking towards their end. The kids all turned to him, yelling with tears in their eyes for him to do something. Because he always knew what to do. 

And this was the second time in 24 hours he did not have an answer. Or a truthful one at that.

He failed.

It was all becoming too much. Lightheaded, dizzy, nauseous; it hit im all at once. Until then he’d enough adrenaline coursing through his bloodstream to ignore the pain he felt from his own sustained injuries. Injuries he wanted to forget, to fight against the sting to scoop you up in his arms, but by the time something in him finally snapped, clicking into place and he took long strides over to you, it was the pain again that stopped him. Crouching down hurt, the phantom feeling of the bat tail snaked around his throat and closing in on his windpipe. He took a sharp intake of breathe to fight the lightening sting coursing from his arm down to his ribs when he reached out to run a thumb over the apple of your cheeks. Hot to the touch, read and puffy and tears brimming your lash line.

It was in that moment, in that touch, that peace found you at last. It took all the energy left in you to bring that smile to your face, reaching all the way up to your eyes when they locked on his. 

“Steve.” It was a slight promise, the final one that he realized he couldn’t keep.

And he watched, hopeless, as your eyes fluttered closed. 

The next minutes were frantic. Robin, Dustin, and Steve worked on getting you down into the backseat of his BMW while Nancy stayed with the others until the ambulance and EMT workers came to load Max onto a stretcher. Red and blue lights flashed in the review mirror, Steve’s own heart beating louder than the sirens passing by and god, how he wished he could be cradling you in the backseat rather than pressing the pedal to the floor. His gaze was blurry, unsteadily shifting from the road ahead to your reflection in the back. He told himself you were just asleep, that you’d endured too much but everything would be alright with some rest. He sped across town, through traffic lights and stop signs, carrying your body inside and beginning for help.

He watched them take your body to a room, the hospital overflowing with patients needing assistance after the town was shaken and spilt in four. There wasn’t any time to think about the ther casualties that existed out there. The only thought in Steve’s head, nagging at him over and over again as he paced a tred in the linolime floor, wanting to looking away but unable to as the nurses worked to find a room and they started healing you behind curtains, was why? Why did you freeze? Why couldn’t you move? Why couldn’t you have done better? Was it enough? Where you going to be ok?

Please be ok.

----

Everyday, like clockwork, the routine was the same. Wake up, freshen up quickly, wait for Sinclair (this usually took about 3 or 4 honks of the horn which were immediately followed by the annoyed stare of his neighbor, Mrs. McNeal for having her quiet morning interrupted, but soon he grew to love even that part of his day) and drive over to the hospital. Lucas took books in to read to Max during her recovery and Steve shuffled into your room, a black coffee in hand and one for you everyday. He didn’t care if they went untouched. One day, he knew, it’d be drunk. For him, it was the caffeine that helped him stay awake.

And sometimes there’d be an odd assortment of the party shuffled in the backseat of that BMW to visit, always looking forward to the extra company on those days because it was the days he sat opposite you, alone with his thoughts, that were the worst.

All he could do now was be there for the kids, for you, but he’d never forget how he just stood there watching you weakly. Or how he couldn’t do anything to say Eddie, and in turn say Dustin. And Max. And every move he took when trying to get comfortable in the chair at your bedside, only reminding him of the welts now turning into disgusting scars, and reminding him of all that everyone had to go through to come up defeated.

Thankfully, you weren’t out for long, a few days, a week at most, but it felt like years. The doctors said your recovery time was remarkably fast, but now that you were up you’d be ready to go home in a few days, back to normal in a few more, cuts and ribs healed.

And the way you looked at him when you opened yours eyes could have been enough for him to get past all the hurt, but it was your question that broke him.

“Hi Stevie, did we win?”

Not having the heart to tell you of who you’d lost, the fact that Vecna could still be out there (a fact overlooked by all), he answered the only way he knew how.

Grabbing your hand carefully, thumb brushing over the back of yours, he forced a smile. Relieved. “Yeah, we did.”

It was the last lie he was willing to tell. It was another promise made because what else was Steve Harrington supposed to do than be the hero and promise the world to everyone he loved? 

Lately, his promises weren’t as strong as they once were.

Every hero has a moment of doubt, a head to head battle with cowardice personified. 

And it was the hardest battle of all.

Everywhere he looked was a reminder of his failures and broken promises. 

And looking at you was near impossible.

Though you were in no state to go with him, he thought about asking you to come when he had made up his mind. One last attempt at righting things. But he didn’t ask you to come because he knew you never would. Never leave home, never leave your family, never leave your friends who turned into family, never give up everything good you had just to be a coward like him and run away from everything. 

So he packed up his car with a few essentials and left without goodbyes because goodbyes would have been harder. Would have made it impossible. 

And he chased the open road, trying to simultaneously find the next thing in his life to make his purpose and run away from, forget the one promise he made that he cared about keeping so much it broke him when he couldn’t.

[evil-ontheinside]

Happy Birth to Mike! and a tiny (almost 2k) ficlet to celebrate :D

The apartment was darker and colder than usual. Or at least it felt like it at the moment: Mike sitting at his tiny kitchen table, barely big enough to fit two plates, and one single ray of sunshine reflecting on the picture frame placed on a table near the front door.

The picture was one of the Party, taken one day after graduation in the Byers’ new home in Hawkins.

Mike stared at it for a long moment, not even able to make out the faces from the distance but knowing exactly what it looked like anyway. He liked to look at it whenever he left the house or came back home. It was nice to know that the five most important people in his life were only a phone call away.

The phone had rung a total of three times today, which was more and less than Mike expected at the same time.

Joyce’s call just before she had been off to work in the morning had been a nice surprise. Even Hopper’s grumbling in the background, most likely still half asleep and craving his coffee, had only made Mike smile and then laugh when Joyce joked about Hopper loving his morning coffee more than her.

Nancy calling was always fifty/fifty. There had been last year when she had been drowned in paperwork the entire week and only remembered a month later that she completely missed the date. She had come to visit him as an apology, even though Mike had told her it was fine. This time she called, as usual during entirely unpredictable times like four in the morning, while being incredibly hurried and letting him know that there will be mail coming sometime this week, let’s hope they don’t lose it again.

His mother had called sometime around lunch when Mike had been at work. She left a nice message on the answering machine, hoping he has a wonderful day and telling him about her women’s club meeting in the afternoon and who knows how long it will take this time, Dorothy knows how to talk the whole night if she wants to which was a subtle way of telling him that he won’t catch her if he called back. He did anyway and got Holly on the phone. She had been all too excited to talk to him, and he made a mental note to call more often if only to hear all about the newest elementary school gossip.

It seemed that his mother had kept her promise of not giving his number to any other relatives that might attack his phone line and would expect him to act polite while they talked about their problems and made underhanded jabs at him when they forgot that they were talking to him and not his mother. Not even good old Loren managed to get through, notorious for stealing at least two hours of your precious time and calling every five minutes until you picked up because she forgot to tell you about my neighbor’s dog, Henry, do you remember Henry?

Five other calls had arrived sporadically throughout the last month, all disappointing to various degrees but all equally dampening his mood.

The first had been Max. Since Mike couldn’t come to Hawkins like he had done the previous two years and her mother had just suffered a minor health scare, she wouldn’t be able to make the trip. Mike told her it was fine and that he hoped her mom was going to make a quick recovery and used the opportunity to open a bottle of wine a few hours after their call.

Lucas had been next, quite predictably, because he had decided to be the amazing person that he is, and went home to see his parents to subtly support Max and her mother. He wasn’t subtle at all but Mike was sure Lucas was well aware of the fact without his input.

Dustin had followed only a few days after Lucas, talking about this big project his favorite teacher had offered him and how it was an opportunity he couldn’t miss. Mike told him that he understood and wished him good luck which Dustin won't need anyway.

El hadn’t quite mentioned a reason when she called, only that she was really sorry and would try to make up for it the next time they saw each other. Then she wished him a good time with Will and hung up before Mike could ask any questions.

Will had told him last week even though Mike visited him for his birthday two weeks ago. Apparently, some big art project would keep him in New York for the near future. When he talked about it, Mike had been so proud of him because it sounded like a really big deal and Will had sounded nervous about it, like he usually got about his art. Mike would have felt awful to even consider asking him to come anyway, even though Will asked and made it quite clear that he would drop everything, you just have to say a word, Mike. Promise you’re not just saying it? Are you sure? Ok, I still really wish I could come. See you as soon as possible.

Mike’s eyes wandered from the framed picture back toward the table and the bowl of cereal in front of him. At this point, it was soggy and looked entirely unappetizing. Somehow, cereal only tasted good in the morning. It was too sweet and slimy any other time of day, especially if the cereal-milk ratio was completely out of order because of Mike’s embarrassingly empty fridge and pantry. One would think that with a grocery store just around the corner, having a decently stocked fridge wouldn’t be that hard.

Breakfast for dinner, Mike thought to himself and chuckled at his own dumb joke. I’m pretty sure cereal usually doesn’t count as breakfast for dinner, Mike. Probably not. The thought still looped around in his head for a full minute.

In the end, Mike didn’t eat the cereal. It looked more like soup at this point anyway.

Mike had just put the freshly rinsed bowl back into the cupboard when a knock on his door made him startle bad enough that he almost threw the spoon out of the window. Which would have been less than ideal because Mike only had five spoons to begin with (don’t ask what happened to the other five; and if you do, ask Dustin) and three of them were weirdly bent out of shape.

More knocking sounded throughout the quiet apartment while Mike carefully placed the piece of cutlery onto the counter and turned toward the door. If someone knocked, it usually was one of his neighbors. Which meant it was either someone asking for eggs or flour or something of the sort, which Mike didn't even have (see exhibit a: the saddest birthday dinner known to man), or Mr. Baggins from the second floor who, despite his very awesome last name, was mostly annoying and looking for a strong young man to help me with this box I just got in the mail. I don’t even remember what I bought, ha!

Mike could live without another two-hour endeavor and endless chatting but judging by the third round of knocks it would be something he won’t be able to escape tonight.

With a sigh entirely too dramatic but warranted---because Mike already had a really exhausting day at work with lots of customers that all had something to complain about and children with extra wishes ranging from no tomatoes please to demanding he went and bought a specific brand of bottled water for them just because they didn't like the taste of anything else. Frankly, Mike thought he didn't get paid enough for this, and since all his coworkers agreed with him, he must be right---he made his way over to the door and opened it without much hesitation to just get it over with.

Instead of Mr. Baggins, who really didn’t deserve his name, Mike was greeted by five familiar faces, grinning expressions, and an assortment of snacks and drinks distributed more or less equally between all of them.

For a second, nothing happened. It was almost as if the rest of the Party didn’t expect him to open the door so soon or at all and Mike wasn’t sure what to do with the unexpected company when he had planned on accompanying a better Mr. Baggins on his quest and going to bed early.

Before Mike could question anything, his arms were full of El who squeezed the air out of his lungs, pressed a kiss against his cheek, and wished him an enthusiastic happy birthday while expertly pushing him back into his apartment and clearing the doorway for the others. There surely was an explanation why she only carried a single package of potato chips that he would be sure to hear within the next few hours.

Dustin, with his arms full enough that Mike wondered how he hadn’t left a trail of snacks in the hallway, bumped their shoulders together and echoed El’s words before following her and dumping the food onto the couch.

Lucas was sensible enough to transfer his charge onto one arm to give Mike one side hug and ruffle his hair while he was at it. Mike finally gained enough brain cells to splutter and bat his hand away, which only made Lucas laugh before he joined the other two who already managed to start bickering about the best way to arrange the snacks.

Max, cane in hand and backpack on her back, made a show out of hitting him with her cane a few times before pulling him into a tight hug. She grinned at him, told him that he was way too naïve sometimes but not to worry, they would only tease him about it for the rest of his life.

Last was Will, looking a little sheepish but highly amused while he closed the door behind him and kicked off his shoes at the entrance. He put his backpack down and pulled Mike into a hug without pausing or explaining anything.

Mike wrapped his own arms around Will, breathing in the familiar scent of his shampoo and relaxing with the boyfriend-shaped human in his arms. The confusion from earlier and disappointment of the last month gave way to a quiet calm that always accompanied Will’s comforting presence. With the Party chattering in the background, Mike couldn’t have imagined any other place he would rather be than right here in Will’s arms.

“You didn’t think we would leave you all alone on your birthday, right?” Will’s voice was muffled because his face was buried into Mike’s sweater and Mike thought it was the best sound in the world because it meant that Will was close and here and not all the way in New York.

“You were very convincing,” Mike mumbled, tightening his hold on Will and pulling him even closer. Will did the same, one hand resting at the back of Mike’s head and the other rubbing circles into his back as if he could sense the stinging in Mike’s eyes.

“Will! Stop hogging the birthday boy!” Dustin’s voice was way too loud for the thin walls of Mike’s apartment but he chuckled anyway. They pulled away and Will pressed a firm kiss to Mike’s lips.

“Happy Birthday, Mike. Love you.”

“I love you, too.”

[mustnotmeanbutbe]

The Grid Unravels

Jim was in a bad mood, it was his birthday and at fifty-five he’d have enough of those. Once he’d wanted to be a general or an astronaut, but for twenty years he’d gone to work at the same hydro plant. His wonderful boyhood ambitions had decayed away.

He had decided because it was his birthday to order lunch, fresh Mex, for his guys. It came to the plant in a brown paper bag with a red logo silk-screened on the side. He ordered a sofrito burrito, his usual. When he first started ordering that he was afraid the guys would ridicule him for going veggie, but they either didn’t know or didn’t care what sofrito was. He opened the bag in the break room and got the lunches out then folded it up to toss in the trash. He then noticed something strange. The bag was red and tan and the pattern on it was the same as before, but it was just a pattern, it didn’t mean anything. He shrugged his shoulders. Bags were something food came in and that’s all, the pattern on them didn’t matter.

He walked into the control room. Ed and Sam were the operators on duty. Mike was going his rounds checking the switching gallery.

“I got your shit,” Jim told them.

His two employees went into the break room.

Sam bit into a carnitas burrito but after two bites stopped with a puzzled expression.

“What’s that on the wall?” Sam asked.

“It’s a poster,” Ed said.

“I know it’s a fucking poster, what does it fuck say?”

“Safety shit,” Ed said.

Jim looked at the poster. It was a piece of card stock with designs on it, there were no words. He looked around the break room and nowhere were there words, where words used to be there were patterns that looked the same but conveyed nothing. Mike came in clipboard in hand.

“My handwriting’s messed up. These readings I took down don’t make no sense,” he said. The clipboard clunked down on the table.

“Okay guys, lunch over, emergency shutdown time,” Jim told his crew.

“What?” Ed said. He was the lazy one.

“Our minds are going, none of us can fucking read. That’s why we shut down the plant. We got to assume that what’s happening to us is happening everywhere. The last thing a bunch of idiots needs is 256 kilovolts.” As a boy, Jim had imagined his commands would save the day in a crisis. Now all he could do now was try to make the absolutely awful less bad.

“Call corporate first. I don’t want to lose my job,” Mike said.

The man had worked for him for ten years, so Jim took out his phone and tried to comprehend the icons on the screen. Sam, not as badly affected, hit the virtual assistant icon so Jim could talk to it. Elmer Bloch, the VP of generation, was an older engineer, near retirement age, and as conventional as hell. Jim expected to be called names. Sam put the man on speaker.

“Shut down Snowy Mountain Station One? Do what you want. I don’t understand why you called me,” the vice president said and hung up without saying goodbye. Elmer had said the name of the station slowly like he wasn't sure what Jim was talking about.

“Man, that was weird, he didn’t give a shit, we’d better do it,” Mike said.

In half an hour the plant was dead, though the shutdown was only carried out properly due to years of practice. By the time the shutdown procedure ended, the men no longer understood the power that had flowed through the network of busbars and cables. The contraction of Jim’s mental horizon no longer scared him. His awareness had become limited to what he could sense. The world around him seemed brighter and more vivid as abstract thought and imagination faded to shadowy memory. No longer capable of understanding his losses, Jim felt free. There was a beauty to the world Jim hadn’t felt since childhood. A vine had intertwined itself with the cyclone fence around the switchyard. Jim picked one of its leaves and ate it. It tasted sharp.

The sky filled with smoke, but after some days it cleared. Inhuman now, even in appearance, the men sang when the stars returned. Ed’s wife and kids showed up and played on the dead switchgear.

“Stay here?” Ed’s wife asked Jim. Speaking and comprehending speech had become progressively harder for all of them, but Jim understood her.

“Sure,” Jim said.

A month later Jim and his crew sat in the shade of a transformer the eating squirrels Jim had killed with rocks and watched while the kids played, dangling from the wires. Words intruded into Jim’s head less and less. He was content. The power grid was now something beyond his imagination, the plant was just where he and his friends lived. As the sun set, they sang a poignant wordless song.